Evangelion Divergence part 3- Can they stay happy?
by VillageoutsideR
Summary: no angel fighting in this one Shinji finds out more about his American ally, but does he learn too much or too little? How can he trust an admitted liar? Rei takes it upon herself to try and understand Nathan maybe even ease his pain. Is there a chance that Rei and Asuka can build a bridge to friendship? Seele look to their secrets for another way to salvation
1. Chapter 1 how long can happiness last

"Surprise!" the group of kids shouted as Misato pulled her hands away from her eyes seeing the banner that read "Congrats Major Katsuragi", she saw the piles of food surrounding the grill that Kensuke had set up along with balloons, ribbons and other decorations. And underneath the banner stood the children Shinji, Asuka, Toji, Kensuke and even Hikari was there, each one had a smile that stretched from ear to ear on their faces.

It warmed her heart to see them all with smiles and enjoying themselves, to see that for one-night Shinji and Asuka could put aside their differences and get along with one another. "Oh, gee you guys, you didn't have to do this!" she cried out.

"Of course, we did Ms. Misato someone had to show you some appreciation, if Shinji and Asuka weren't gonna do it me and Toji had to pick up the slack."

"Yeah Ms. Misato, don't forget if you ever need some love and kind words you can always look us up!" Toji blushed as he laid it on thick.

"Oh, Toji you're such a charmer, how are you still single?"

He let out a small high-pitched moan as he wheezed leaning forward turning an even brighter shade of red, "Oh, I don't know maybe I'm just waiting for the right woman." Shinji and Asuka rolled their eyes at the giggling drooling idiot, Kensuke just stared daggers at him and narrowed his eyes. "Well don't forget Ms. Misato all of this was my idea, and I'd never forget any special day of yours."

Giggling she walked forward grabbed Kensuke by his shoulders after giving his hair a quick ruffle and gave him a quick smooch on his forehead, "And a special thanks to you Kensuke, you really know how to take care of a girl. I'm sure you'll find that special lady one day."

I already found her, he thought as he lightly touched his forehead and whispered, "I am never going to wash my face ever again."

"Oh, brother." Shinji muttered as he went over and grabbed a can of soda from the ice chest, "Well enough standing around guys let's eat!" cried Asuka, soon after everyone sat around the small table taking in pieces of wet sopping meat, grilled vegetables, greasy noodles and clumps of rice, even Pen-pen got in on the action sitting in Hikari's lap letting the giggling girl feed him bits of food.

As the night went on the kids kept knocking back soda and getting rowdier laughing and joking eventually Toji went over to the stereo system, cranking it up until it was almost bouncing where it sat. "So, Shinji how are things going with Rei?" Misato asked over the loud dance-pop music, "Oh, well okay, I guess. We don't really talk much about our relationship but with everything going on we haven't had time to go out yet."

"Don't worry I'm sure she's just sorting out her own feelings. I may not know what goes on through her head but and I'm sure I've told you this once already, every time she looks at you, I can see that she cares for you."

"Thanks Misato." He gave her a small smile and it looked like his shoulders relaxed too, turning his attention back to his friends his smile seemed to grow just a little wider and his eyes twinkled just a little more. "So, anyone else showing up to this soiree?" She asked him taking a sip of her beer. "Well I couldn't find Rei, but I did invite Nathan… I'm just not sure if he's gonna bother to show up."

"Don't count him out yet Shinji he may surprise us, how are you doing by the way, enjoying yourself I hope."

"Uh- yeah I'm fine, I just get a little anxious in crowds. But at least I'm with people I know that makes it better."

He stopped there, he had other feelings but he wasn't sure if he should tell them to Misato of all people maybe Rei she was his girlfriend after all and they were supposed to nurture one another, but he wasn't sure if she would be able to help him either.

Maybe he would understand though, but Shinji wasn't sure how he'd be able to help, maybe all Shinji wanted was someone to vent to, someone who might feel the same way and just listened to him. "Well I'm glad that you're having a nice time too."

It was then that there was a knock on the door, "He's here! He's finally here!" Asuka leapt up from her seat with Hikari in tow, "So Mr. Kaji's really coming?"

"Yeah he promised me that he'd make it." She ran to the door sliding in her socks the last leg of the way, stopping right outside it she ran her hands through her short hair making sure that it was all nice for Kaji. She wiped away any creases or wrinkles in her dress, taking in a deep breath she smiled as she flung open the door, "Mr. Kaji!" she squealed at the top of her lungs. Just as she said that Hikari slid right into her bumping her shoulder excitement in both of their eyes.

But their excitement immediately evaporated as soon as they saw the tired eyed, messy haired Nathan standing right by a shopping cart instead of the Casanova Kaji they were hoping for. "Oh, it's just you. Shinji your idiot friend is here!" Asuka called out, "What's with all the stuff Nathan?"

Hikari stepped out of the doorway and looked into the shopping cart pulling things out and eyeing them, "Uh- just some things I picked up for the party, is it too much?" he asked sheepishly leaning over the side counting everything up again.

"Jeez why would you get so much junk food?"

"Well Hikari I just got things I thought everybody would like, besides I had no idea what to get so I just decided to get well… everything I guess."

He stifled a yawn and shook his head, rubbing his eyes he asked, "So can I come in?"

"Hey Nathan! Glad you decided to show up and wow… you kinda went overboard with getting the snacks."

"Apparently, he didn't know what to get us, so he just got everything… well at least what he brought looks good." Asuka rolled her eyes.

"Let's go back Hikari, he should be coming here soon enough."

With that the two girls returned to the party, leaving the two male pilots to bring in the groceries, "So what's with all the orange soda?"

Shrugging and fidgeting around he said, "Well Rei seemed to like it last time we ate together, so I just figured I'd get a lot of it. You know in case she decided to show up."

"She's not here, I couldn't find her in time to invite her besides I'm sure even if I did find her, she wouldn't show up… I feel like she hates parties."

Nathan let out a silent oh, and looked at the ground before returning his gaze back to the cart, "Well I got some stuff for Misato and I think we should get the ice cream in the freezer before it melts, I just hope everyone likes the stuff I brought."

"I'm sure they will but let me just ask you one thing. What's with the shopping cart?"

"Uh- well… I just brought it along to carry the stuff, obviously."

"But why do you still have it? Oh my god." The realization finally hit him, "Nathan did you steal this cart?"

"Goddamn it, I think I did."

"Well what happened?"

"Let's see, so I went in, got my cart, filled it with the stuff. Paid for everything, wheeled it out of the store and eventually out of the parking lot and then I ended up here."

"Yeah you stole a shopping cart." Shinji let out an exasperated sigh, "Well what do you plan on doing about it Nathan?"

"I was just gonna leave it here, I already brought it here and it's too much effort to take it back soooo…"

"Just come inside." Nathan wheeled the cart into the apartment and was greeted by the surprised look of everyone else, whether they were excited that he came or where just wondering why he brought a shopping cart along with him. "Look who decided to grace us with his presence guys, what's with the new outfit. I was gonna say something before but- "

He took a look at his new threads, seeing them in a brighter light made it look like he was completely made of shadow and even skinner, like he was a single dab of ink versus flesh and blood. "What's wrong with my outfit?"

Asuka let out a long huff, "Besides the fact it looks like you're dressed for a funeral?"

"And that you unironically listen to Breaking Benjamin while walking in the rain?" Kensuke added giggling, "Hey you can't prove that now!" Nathan shot back wide-eyed snapping a finger at him.

Misato laughed at the awkward kid, "Just leave him alone guys who cares if he got dressed up for us, you look very handsome Nathan."

"But I didn't get dressed up… these are my school clothes." He said slowly waving his hands down from his chest to his waist.

"Wait how are those your school clothes, I don't even wear the uniform and I know that the button shirts' supposed to be white." Toji answered.

"Well I guess I lost the other white shirts or something, or the one white shit I had got torn up and when I opened up the box that had the rest of my school ordered shirts, they were all black."

"Why would they all be black?"

"I don't know Kensuke I guess whatever idiot packed up my order messed it up." He let out a long sigh as he started to dig around his cart, "Okay that makes sense just two more questions. One, why don't you just order more white shirts and two why do you have a shopping cart in Ms. Misato's living room?"

"I could order new shirts but that's a whole lot of effort and I'm just not feeling up to doing… and I guess I kinda stole this shopping cart and I have no intention of taking it back, so I guess you guys now have a shopping cart."

"Well what are we supposed to do with a shopping cart you idiot?"

"I don't know Asuka, use it as storage or a shelf. Flip it on its side and call it an art piece, the point is I brought it here and I'm leaving it here. I am wiping my hands clean of this thing, it's no longer mine it's yours."

"Wow you're so thoughtful." She muttered as she turned her attention back to her meal, grabbing the gifts he did intend to bring he shuffled over to Misato carrying the orchids bath supplies. "Uh- here Misato I got you this stuff, congrats on the promotion."

"Oh, thanks Nathan I love all of it! Mmmm, I can't wait to use this stuff later. It's gonna be so relaxing to take a nice long hot bath with all these." Toji and Kensuke were blushing just watching Misato smell the fruit and tropical island smelling salts, butters, bubble baths and other things, they drooled with jealous that Shinji and her would be using the same tub.

Nathan just shrugged and said, no problem. Then he moved the cart into the kitchen, little did he know Toji followed him quietly as he started to take things out before flipping the cart over and resting it on its handlebar. "Uh- Hey Nathan… got a second to talk?"

He popped open a can of orange soda smelling the fizz that floated out of the top, "Sure Toji, what did ya want to talk about?"

Grabbing a soda of his own Toji looked to the floor as he rubbed the back of his neck popping it open, he took a sip before trying to meet his friend's eyeline.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened earlier today. I was an ass, I shouldn't have done that. But to make us square I willing to let you sock me one, anywhere you want just not below the belt."

He eagerly awaited his response and much to his shock and surprise, Nathan just shook his head lightly and shrugged, "Forget about it man. We're good.

"Wait what?"

"I said we're fine Toji, what's done is done. Let's just move on, start from scratch."

"Ok… that's fine by me, but I still feel like I owe you something. You sure belting me one is off the table?"

"Yeah, let's just get back to the party."

Toji just stood still as Nathan walked on by watching him join everyone else in the living room, taking his own spot he felt a little relieved that it was so easy for the two of them to make up but at the same time he was a little shocked that he was able to cool off and forgive him in such a short time. He just hoped things would go smoother, he liked the guy even if he was a little odd. Maybe he just wasn't used to having a lot of friends Toji thought, all he knew was that Shinji would want to the two of them to get along, and he wanted that too.

Grabbing a chocolate snack cake he rejoined the part choosing to sit next to Nathan who was grabbing himself some dinner, bumping his shoulder he joined in the conversation, he had no idea what they were talking about but he didn't care he just wanted to be with his friends, he just wondered how his sister was doing. Even though he saw Nathan shrink away just a little after they made contact, he still sat next to them.

Shinji felt like he was truly enjoying himself for the first time in ever since he came to Tokyo 3, he was actually laughing along with everyone else, he forgot about everything for once he felt normal. Like the only things he had to worry about were school, friends and young romance, he only wished that Rei could have been there with them.

Looking around it put him at ease that everyone was enjoying themselves, their eyes closed as they hugged their aching sides from laughing covering their mouths to try and stop themselves from drooling or spitting out soda it seemed like everybody was happy.

Or at least they looked happy.

His eyes glanced over to Nathan who was sitting in a chair only a few feet away from the rest of the group, come to think of it, it seemed as if he was slowly scooting away as the night went on. His head and chest was still leaning forward, it looked like he was doing some modified version of the upward dog, leaning forward as far as he could but his legs and stomach were stretched back.

As if his body wanted to leave but he still wanted to be there in some small form, come to think of it even though he had a small smile on his face, his eyes… they looked empty and just a little sad. Like he knew about something no one else did, do my eyes look like that? Does he feel the same way I do? He asked himself. Shinji looked away and turned his attention back to the group, he was still smiling but he didn't feel like doing it. He just asked himself how long could this feeling last? How long would it be until I turned back into my normal self?

"Wark!" returning from the bathroom with the paper in one hand Pen-pen returned to the party, a fresh beer in the other plopping down next to Misato, Nathan couldn't help but stare at the bird. "What the hell is that?"

Then maybe sensing Nathan's tone towards him Pen-pen merely turned his head, narrowed his eyes and let out another Wark, that sounded vaguely snarky. "Oh, yeah I almost forgot you two've never met before. Nathan this is Pen-pen the hot springs penguin, Pen-pen meet Nathan." Misato introduced the two to one another, but they just continued to eye one another until Pen-pen waddled over and extended his arm.

Limply taking it Nathan shook it, a puzzled look plastered on his face like he was still trying to comprehend just exactly what this thing was, "Nice to meet you Pen-pen."

"Wark." He squawked back softly before returning to take his place back near Misato. As the music shifted to something slower paced instead of the lively music it was playing earlier, "Oh man the night's still young… why does the music have to crap out now?" Toji whined. "Doesn't someone have any better music? Shinji? Nathan? You guys are always listening to your music at school." Hikari eagerly asked, a little to eager like it was now her one goal in life to make sure Toji was happy that night.

"I don't think my player's compatible with the stereo Hikari… sorry."

"What about you Nathan?"

He winced as he sucked air through his teeth, "Yeah, I don't think I'll be letting you guys listen to my music any time soon. I guarantee that you guys won't be fans of it."

Just as a chorus of lamenting kids' voices filled the air, there was a knock on the door again and Asuka gripping Hikari by the wrist shot straight up re energized, "He's here, he's here, he's finally here!" she squealed as the two of them bounded for the door and lo and behold there he was. "Mr. Kaji! You made it!" Asuka wrapped her arms around him pulling him in tight, "Whoa there, good to see you to Asuka. How've you been?" He asked patting her head and returning the hug in return.

"Better now that you're here, life here with these losers is such a bore."

"Oh, c'mon Asuka they can't be all that bad. And a good evening to you too, you must be Hikari. Asuka's told me all about you."

Blushing a bit while shuffling back and forth she spoke up, "Y-y-yeah I'm Hikari, Asuka's told me a lot about you too."

"Well I hope I can live up to her stories." He chuckled taking her hand and giving it a light kiss, for the first time ever Asuka shot Hikari her trademark murderous eyes, but she knew that he was just doing that to get under her skin. At the end of the day Mr. Kaji belonged to no one but her.

"Now c'mon take me to the action Asuka." Wrapping both her arms around his left she led him into the living room, "Now the real party can begin, now that you're here Mr. Kaji!"

"Hi Mr. Kaji." The three boys said in unison, "So you decided to show up after all huh, Kaji?" Misato grumbled as she hid her mouth behind her opened can.

"Of course, I couldn't just stand up the two most important women in my life. Besides there is a certain someone here that I've been meaning to meet." Lightly shrugging Asuka off and slipping both hands into his pockets he strutted over past the boys to the reclining chair a few feet away from them where the sixth child sat.

Still leaning forward hands clasped together and hidden in his lap, as Kaji drew closer he slowly raised his head to see the new person who was approaching him. Offering his hand out Kaji introduced himself, "How ya doing? You must be Nathan, the pilot from America and the sixth child, right? I'm Ryoji Kaji."

"Oh, uh- Hi… Mr. Kaji, eh, I guess? I'm doing eh."

"Not much of a talker, that's okay I'm sure you'll find your tongue one day. But how you liking it here, kind of a long ways from home right?"

"I don't know sir, it's just a place. No feelings really and I didn't really care much about home anyhow."

"Don't worry Nathan I'm sure you're just going through that whole teenage boy has to see the world and no place is home phase." He chuckled. Slapping his hands together, "Now where can I get some food, and who's in charge of the music? I thought this was supposed to be a party?"

The kids all looked to one another, each one trying to silently pass off the responsibility of playing the role of DJ. As Kaji loaded up a plate plopping down next to Misato and nudging Pen-pen away the outlier spoke up, "Shinji plays the cello, maybe he could play something."

The groups eyes went wide as if they forgot he was even there for a second, "What was that Nathan?" Misato asked.

Shinji was already looking at his friend, silently shaking his head no. "Shinji plays the cello, maybe he could play something dedicated to you."

"What! Shinji play the cello. He can barely pilot an EVA how do you expect us to believe that he can do that?" Asuka muttered.

"Shinji how long have you been hiding this from us?" Misato asked looking at him, his head just sunk down as he limply raised his shoulders. "You guys never asked, so I never had a reason for telling you guys. Besides I only play by myself, it's been years since I've played in front of other people. I doubt I can do it now."

"Oh, c'mon man I bet you're really great!" Kensuke chimed in, "Yeah man have some confidence in yourself for once, show us what you got."

Toji just buttered him up enough to where he was slightly blushing from the embarrassment of having everyone wanting to hear him play. "C'mon Shinji do it for me please?" Misato crossed her arms over her chest tightly making her breasts pop out, while Toji and Kensuke's eyes bulged out of their skulls, Nathan simply took one look then his eyes drifted to the window and its balcony, Shinji just averted his eyes to the floor.

"Fine, I'll do it but I'm not sure how you'll like it." He said breathing out shakily, rubbing his hands against the knees of his pants he stood up and walked away, grabbing his cello and bow of their case he walked to the center of the room pulling a chair he sat down.

"Where's the sheet music? How are you supposed to know what to play?" Asuka asked bewildered.

"I don't need it, I've been playing the same songs for so long I've memorized them entirely."

Raising her eyebrows impressed Misato merely asked, "So what song are you going to dedicate to me Shinji?"

"I was thinking about Bach's cello suite… it's my favorite piece to play."

"You really expect us to believe you can play that? Isn't that one of the hardest things to play? Now this I gotta see." Asuka said eagerly with venom put in each word she spat out.

"Give him a break Asuka I'm sure he'll do great, go on Shinji show us." Kaji said smiling at the boy, trying to give him a boost of confidence much to Asuka's chagrin. Giving a slight nod Shinji settled in, shifting his weight until he was comfortable, he got his fingers in place and placed the bow against the strings, closing his eyes for a minute he steady his breathing and then he began drawing the bow's string across.

He played a few high pitchd sour notes that made everyone wince, while Asuka chuckled snidely and he sunk his head in shame. Just as it looked like he was going to drop his bow to the floor and give up Nathan spoke up again, "You're not done yet are ya? You're still breathing give it another try Shinji."

Hearing those words from the guy who seemed to have issues similar to him or worse than him filled him with some kind of feeling he never felt before, like there was someone else out there who knew what he needed to hear… or wanted to at least. "Just do that thing people always say to do when you gotta do something in front of a crowd." He continued.

"Picture them naked?' Toji asked raising an eyebrow.

"Groooooss!" the two girls squealed as Asuka hammer fisted Toji in the side of the head knocking him to the ground, "God you're such a pervert Toji!" Asuka yelled at him.

"Yeah get your mind out of the gutter Toji." Hikari added.

Nathan raised his head to the ceiling and let out a long groan, "No you idiot, imagine that you're playing for only that one special person and no one else. That it's only you and them, no one else."

"Okay, I could give that a shot." Shinji licked his lips and closed his eyes, and when he opened them it was like he was in a dark room, sitting in his chair he was bathed in a single spotlight and sitting across from him in another spotlight was Rei.

Rei, he thought. Warm butterflies filled up his stomach, he felt all fuzzy sort of like he was fighting sleep under a stack of warm blankets but he wasn't quite ready to go to bed yet.

"Are you going to play for me Shinji? I would like to hear you." With his eyes closed he smiled softly, he got his fingers in position, then slowly taking long slow and deliberate strokes he played. The music that drifted from his cello and into the ears and souls of his audience could have softened any heart.

His fingers danced along the neck, finding their marks perfectly, his head swung gently side to side enjoying the sounds he was creating. A smile grew on his face as he put every ounce of his heart and soul into playing his piece, everyone sat silently mouths agape stunned at what was happening before their eyes, for one moment they saw a hidden side of Shinji… a side that they and possibly no one had ever seen.

At certain moments his pace would change and his right arm would rapidly move back and forth as he leaned back feeling the music he was creating only for his brow to furrow lightly as his eyebrows came together softening his face as his paced slowed down again leaning forward over his instrument.

At the time it felt like this moment could have lasted forever and each one of them felt connected to him, like a child getting nourished by its mother. They all wished that this song could have lasted forever, even Asuka… they all wished that they could feel this way forever like they were inside a snow globe. Feeling at peace with themselves and everyone around them, but like everything it had to end and when it did.

No one knew what to say, it was Shinji who broke the silence. "So… what'd you guys think?" he asked shyly, his audience was still dead silent until Hikari said, "Wow, Shinji that was beautiful."

"It was okay Hikari, don't say things like that or he'll start growing an ego." Asuka mumbled out.

"Oh, Asuka can't you let him have this one, he's got talent let him grow an ego." Kensuke came to his friend's defense, "Shut up Kensuke, why are the two of you always running to his defense. Can't you let him stand up on his own?"

"We do that cuz we're his friends, it's what friends do ya demon women. They protect each other." Toji was rubbing the side of his head already the skin around his face was turning hot pink from his bruise.

"You have to admit Asuka he's got some talent, sounding like that Shinji I'm sure you could make it into Salzburg music academy."

Asuka sunk lower trying to hide her anger at Mr. Kaji's words, "You guys really think it was that good?" He asked standing up getting ready to put his things back in their place.

"Yeah Shinji it was really good." Misato's kind words made him blush as he took his things back to their room.

Before long things started to wind down and the kids all eventually collapsed falling asleep, Pen-pen returned to his fridge and Misato long with Kaji stood in the kitchen still awake eyeing the kids, Asuka and Hikari slept on one side of the room side by side and the boys slept in a tangled up dog pile all them except for one, it wasn't a surprise as to who it was.

"Where do you think he is?" Misato asked just a little drunkenly, "You don't think he went home while we weren't looking, do you? You don't think he left us without saying anything like last time?"

Kaji let out a small sigh, to him it sounded like she was on the verge of tears, then again, she did get a little more emotional when she was drunk, looking out past the table he pointed out to her. "Look." He said softly leading her eyes with his index finger, "Right there behind the couch."

And sure enough, the couch had been moved away from the wall and wedge between it and the wall, a pair of legs popped out rolling from them they turned to face the wall. It was Nathan sleeping behind the couch, hiding and distancing himself from the rest of the group somehow it wasn't surprising at all that he was doing that.

Seeing him curled up and wedged away from the world all Kaji could think about was Riceball.

"Why do you think he's like that? Why does he keep distancing himself from everybody? I thought it looked like he was having fun tonight but there he is trying to leave them… like a dog."

Like a dog. "Oh, what's with the shopping cart over there?"

"Modern art piece Nathan stole from a grocery store, by accident apparently. And quit dodging my question… why do you think he does things like that?"

"Maybe it's his own defense mechanism, I don't know. If you believe Freud, you might think some other things."

"Oh, please what would Freud say about him?"

He let out a long sigh and finished off his drink, sometime after the kids went to sleep Misato brought out the harder stuff and to him it seemed like she still had yet to learn how to pace herself. "Well… I found some more records on him and I guess it might make some sense about him… Shinji too."

"Well what are ya waiting for tell us. Tell us professor Kaji what is wrong with our boys?"

"You know how Shinji seems to be a little too dependent on other people? How he's a little emotionally needy especially with women and Nathan… well is Nathan?"

"So, what if Shinji just needs someone there for him? And if Nathan is a lone wolf?"

"That's not the point Misato." He grumbled, "The point is Freud believed that if you wean a child too late in life that they'll be emotionally stunted and needy, the mama's boy essentially and I think that fits Shinji to a T."

"So, what if his mother weaned him a little later, maybe they just both enjoyed that connection?" She poured herself another drink, the dark liquor swirled in her clear glass as ice cubes danced all around in it.

"When the time's right I'm not sure if he'll be able to take care of himself emotionally or just practically."

"And how does this apply to Nathan?" she was getting impatient her arm wavered back and forth as she brought it to her mouth almost smacking the lid to her nose.

"His files say that he was never breast fed, well for long anyways. After the first few nights it was like he was rejecting his mother or something he just wouldn't drink her milk, even if it was bottled. So, from the earliest of his days he was fed formula, he never had that human connection."

He took a breath as finished off his drink, pouring himself a little extra he picked up where he left off, "Freud thought that if a child was weaned too soon that they'd grow up disconnected from other people's emotions and have a sociopathic nature, and too me it seems that he doesn't really understand or get people. Maybe he just doesn't want to."

"So, what is he just gonna grow up to be a serial killer?! People can change Kaji, don't forget in that file it basically said not only did he isolate himself but the asshats there intentionally isolated him too. Creeps shoved him the EVA's plug for almost a whole month or did you forget about that too?! We just gotta keep trying and we'll get through to him. So, what if he's a little off and he reeks of self-hatred, pity and angst?"

"Misato shhhh! You'll wake the kids, just clam down."

"I am calm, you're the one freaking out- urf!" Misato's words turned into a gargle as vomit shot up from her stomach, covering her mouth she scrambled for the sink Kaji in tow grabbed her hair and pulled it behind her as head snapped forward and tonight's dinner ended up splattering all in the sink, the clumps dribbling down the sink as she groaned.

"Kaji… you're too good to me."

"Settle down, let's get you some fresh air. Maybe a walk is all you need."

After her episode was done and she was leaning on him the two walked out the door and headed to the courtyard, but just as the door silently clicked into place Nathan stirred up from behind the couch his hair matted on one side clumped up. He rubbed his eyes ever since everyone else went to bed he had been in and out of sleep, the only thing he said to himself was "So that's what they think about me?"

Not knowing how he should feel or what he should even be feeling he pushed the thoughts away, they didn't matter anyways who cares what they thought. As soon as his time here was done, he'd be off in the wind somewhere else and by then they'd probably forget all about him. Just another face that they'd soon forget like a dream, soon it'd be like they never even met… and they'd be nothing more than strangers.

Sitting up with his knees to his chest he rested his chin on them as he put his glasses on, peaking behind the couch corner he looked at the snoring kids, he stood up and stretched walking past them on tip toes he muttered to himself again.

"I wonder if they have any tea here?"

Shinji was dreaming, or a better way to describe it he was having a nightmare then again when was the last time he really dreamed and just didn't sleep but dreamed? He was back at NERV HQ, in the cage with his EVA it stood towering over him it was just as terrifying as the first time he'd seen it. "No dad! I don't want to pilot the EVA! You can't make me, please dad no!" He was crying and screaming as he was being taken near the EVA.

No, he wasn't be taken against his will, he was walking towards it of his own accord. "Please dad I don't want to die! I don't want to be scared anymore! Don't put me in there, please why won't you help me dad?!"

That voice kept screaming in Shinji's ear, wait the voice wasn't his own? His heart started to race as his mind was trying to figure out what was going on, but despite the voice's protests he still continued forward marching towards Unit 01. But then he saw something in his peripheral, turning his head to the right he saw that he was walking past a giant mirror, and in the mirror was a boy roughly the age he was now.

Dressed in the same school uniform, he had the same short brown hair and a slightly lighter skin tone than Shinji, but it was his eyes, they were pure red. Just like Rei's, he was fighting and trying to free himself from the older man's grip. The older man?

Looking closer Shinji almost jumped back as the man leaned in forward the same time as he did but then he realized who it was, slightly neater cut short hair that was greying on the sides, a stern face cut like marble. Cold greyish blue eyes, it was him. The older man was him and he looked just like his father and the boy… looked like he had the prefect features of both him and Rei mixed together.

But then, where was she? "Shinji… Shinji…"

It was Rei, her voice was calling out to him, "Rei? Where are you?" he shouted whipping his head around trying to find her.

"Shinji… bring our boy to me… bring him to me so we can be one Shinji…"

He finally found the source of the noise, "Shinji… bring him to me…", her voice was coming out of the EVA, his EVA. "Shinji…"

"AAAAARRRGGGH!"He woke up, sweat running down his head and chest. His heart was pounding as his chest rose and fell, gasping he tried to catch his breath he shuffled away from Toji and Kensuke who were still sound asleep, he rubbed at his eyes with his wrist. He heard the clinking of porcelain and looked up into the kitchen to see Nathan getting a mug standing next to a steaming pot of tea. "Oh, hey you're awake, bad dream or something?"

Usually the way he talked came off as a little well off, like someone reading lines off a play but not really being too invested in it, but this time among a few other scattered moments Shinji felt like there was some emotion put into that sentence.

"Or something." Shinji muttered as he stood up taking a whiff, "Is that my tea?" he asked pointing at him, the smell of honey lavender chamomile tea hung in lightly in the air. "Oh, yeah sorry I should've asked. I just needed a drink, is that okay?"

Walking over and rubbing any tears away from his eyes, "Yeah, it's no problem. Why are you awake, you just wake up to drink some tea?"

Sniffing as he brought out another mug for Shinji, "No, I just don't really sleep all that much, it takes me about an hour or so to fall asleep. Even then… I wake up throughout the night. Some nights I sleep for only an hour or two."

"That… doesn't sound healthy at all, you sure you're okay?"

"Hmmm… bout as okay as I can be, I guess. You wanna head up to the roof? I found a couple of lawn chairs up there."

"Sure, sounds nice… where's Asuka and Misato?"

Packing everything up he shrugged, "Dunno think Misato went out with Mr. Kaji for a walk and then a little while later Asuka followed after them, didn't even notice I was up."

The ride in the elevator was silent, only the clicking and whirling of the machinery was heard, but when they got out and on to the top of the roof the only thing that could be heard was the distant rumbling of the trains, cars along with the droning of cicadas. A cool breeze caught their attention making them look up towards the sky, "Huh, looks like all the stars are out." Shinji said as he walked over to the chairs taking his own spot, Nathan grabbed a small crate and set the teapot on it serving Shinji before himself.

"So, you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Shinji asked taking his mug up to his face taking in the scent of his tea. "The dream you had or whatever." Nathan replied taking a slurp and letting out a small relaxed sigh. "Drink your tea, lavender and Chamomile. It's great for relaxation."

Taking his friends advice Shinji drank some as soon as it hit his stomach, his eyes fluttered close as the weight and tension in his shoulders melted away. His temples stopped twitching and he sank lower into his chair, it felt like his chest was rising up towards the moon.

He could taste the sweetness from the honey and licorice root the taste lingered in his mouth as a blanket of warmth flowed over his scalp making it tingle as his hair stood up. Taking in a quick breath Shinji could almost smell the flowers, he remembered the time that he drank tea with Rei.

He remembered how nervous he was, how happy he felt that she wanted him over there, how grateful she was for him just cleaning up her room. But by the end of the night when he had to go home it seemed like she wanted him to stay, and maybe he wanted to stay but part of him knew he was going to leave eventually.

But even if he wasn't the best talker he enjoyed being around Nathan, something about him just made you feel like you were there in that moment, that you could say anything to him, and he'd listen no judgement. He wanted to vent to tell him what was going on with him but why would he listen? Would he even care what Shinji was going through?

Maybe this is what friendship was to him, just being around someone when they needed it. Not passing judgments just accepting you as you are, but what did he want out of this? Did he even want to be my friend, his past actions said no but the way he gave me the boost to play for everyone. Only a friend would do that right? Shinji's mind was a hurricane, he took another sip of tea. "Not just yet I guess, can we just sit here quietly or listen to music or something?" He asked.

Obliging his friend Nathan fished out his player and queued up some music, offering him the other earbud they sat back and listened to The Smiths Asleep,

I don't want to wake up

On my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me

I want you to know

Deep in the cell of my heart

I really want to go

Nathan manipulated the playlist only playing slow paced songs that made you feel more at ease during the night, could he be trying to tell me something Shinji wondered. The two boys sat in silence taking in the night air, it wasn't until Radiohead's true love waits started to play did Shinji break the silence.

I'll drown my beliefs…

… to have your babies

….

I'm not living…

… I'm just killing time

"Hey Nathan, can I ask you something?" Shinji asked sitting up right, Nathan looked over gave a quick shrug "Sure ask away."

But his next question caught him off guard, "Do you ever think about what it'd be like when you're a dad Nathan?"

Nathan shot up from his chair the earbud getting yanked out as the MP3 clattered to the floor as he fought against gravity to stop from dropping his mug he ended spitting out and spilling the rest of his tea all over his shirt. "Damn it! Wh-what did you ask?"

"Being a dad, you ever think about it?"

"Well if that's your way of propositioning me I'm afraid to disappoint and say I don't think guys can make babies with each other."

"What no not like that you weirdo! And is that supposed to be a joke or something?" he asked nervously backing off, blushing a bit.

"It is what it is." He said grabbing the pot and pouring himself a refill.

Shinji let out a tired sigh, "No what I mean is… you ever think about what it'd be like to be a father?"

"I know what you meant, and no… well I don't know maybe. I might've given it some thought but no… there's no way I'd ever become or will be a father."

"Even if it's with the right girl… um- you are straight right?"

"Jesus, how many times yes Shinji I'm straight! But as for the right girl-." His words caught in his throat as he choked a little, he stared at the ground then at the moon and he thought of only a single word… Rei.

He walked over to the edge of the roof and rested his arms and head on the cement wall. If there ever was any chance of us being together and she wanted to, would we? Could I? Would I? Maybe if it was her, I wouldn't mind but- NO! SHUT UP YOU IDIOT, SHE'S WITH SHINJI. SHE DOESN'T AND WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU, WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING ABOUT HER? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT YOU GUTLESS SHRIMP? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING LIKE ANYONE WOULD EVER LOVE YOU OR WANT TO BE WITH YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY PIT OF SELF HATRED AND PITY, WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

He let out a long sigh, "Not even if it's with the right girl, I just don't think I could ever see myself as a father, besides who would want to bring a kid into a fucked-up world like this? And knowing myself, there's no way I'd ever be a good dad, they'd probably just end up becoming like me or worse. Besides who am I to condemn someone to live?"

Condemning someone to live, what could he mean by that Shinji wondered. "What about you Shinji? You think you could ever be a father? Why you asking anyways?" Shinji walked over to his muttering friend, resting on the wall in the same fashion, he let out a shaky breath. "I was just asking because, I had a nightmare… and I was a dad. But in my dream, I looked almost exactly like my dad does now, and I was dragging my son towards the EVA. I was gonna force him into it. Like my dad does to me."

He left the part out about Rei, he didn't have to know that part hell Shinji didn't even know what that was supposed to mean but he continued on. "I never really put much thought about having kids, but I think I'd like too, I'm just scared that I'd turn into my father or that they'd be forced to pilot the EVA in my place."

Shinji finished and quietly fumbled with his hands but soon enough he found himself staring at the moon too, he had the same thought as Nathan maybe one day way later on if he and Rei were still together, married and everything. Would they have kids together, would he even want to be a dad… the only positive he saw is that he knew what not to do.

But then again, they were just two messed up boys in love with the same girl, maybe Shinji knew Nathan's feelings towards her or had a shadow of suspicion but if did he didn't bring it up. In the end each one told himself that if he would be the one to end up with Rei and she wanted kids they would just oblige her to not hurt her feelings, maybe one day they'd learn to be comfortable as a father. Nathan's next words broke him out of his thoughts.

After a click of his tongue, "You know I think you'd make an alright dad Shinji, if you hate your dad that's just gonna be the motivation you need to be the greatest dad to the kid you do have. Whether that's with… Rei… or whoever. Besides call it selfish or not but after everything you've been through there's no way in hell, you'd ever let your kid get in an EVA. I'd say you'd rather die than see or force your kid through that."

The two boys stood there quietly after they finished the pot off, Shinji broke the silence "We should be getting back, we should at least get some sleep. Mr. Kaji's gonna take us to some water treatment facility tomorrow a little trip just us kids."

He turned to walk away grabbing his things, seeing Nathan wasn't walking after him he asked. "That sound like something you'd be up for? Cause it'd be nice to keeping hanging out with you and everyone else."

"Sure, why not… I've got nothing to do tomorrow and nowhere to be." he turned around and walked after Shinji the two of them made their way back to the apartment where Shinji curled up next to his friends and soon fell fast asleep. Nathan on the other hand curled up at the feet of the trio, he fell asleep almost instantly. The way a dog would curl up at his master's feet, just like a dog.


	2. Chapter 2 the other and a nightmare

Hours earlier at NERV

She was dreaming… how long had it been since her last dream, there she was holding a small boy with brown hair as he cried into her chest holding fist fulls of her hair in his tiny hands. He was crying over and over about how his mother was missing and he didn't know where she was, how he was so scared and alone. About how mean his father was, he pulled his face away and looked into her eyes and asked if she was gonna leave him, "No I will not… I will stay with you."

That's all that she could tell him, but it seemed to work those words alone got a smile from him but as she examined the boy's face it seemed familiar, "Shinji?" she asked but before the boy could answer he let out a blood curling shriek as he began to melt away in her hands turning into a blood orange slush dripping through her fingers she stared at her hands before grabbing at the liquid. Crying and screaming over and over, "Shinji come back, come back to me! Please this hurts, it hurts being alone, I don't want to go back to before."

Tears fell out of her eyes like rain, "I don't want to be lonely anymore."

She stopped dragging her hands through the puddle there was nothing there, just the clothes of a young child. "Please I just want someone to be near me… I can't stand myself, I can't stand being alone."

"Please don't cry."

Rei let out a sharp gasp at the new voice that was in her dream alongside her, "I can't stand to see you sad." It was Nathan he was resting on his knees looking her eye to eye, his dark brown eyes full of pain seeing her, does he worry about me? She wondered she felt another sense of calm in his presence the way she felt when she looked over him during his stay at the hospital, knowing that someone needed her for something else other than piloting the EVA.

"I think I have feelings for you, but I cannot tell what they are."

"I think I might have feelings for you too Rei, but I don't think I ever could act on them. Besides they only want me to stay because I can pilot my EVA, if I couldn't do that why would they keep me around?"

"But they would want you to stay because they care about you."

"Do they really Rei?" she had no idea how to answer him, then again it wasn't really him it was a projection of how she viewed him, or at least some picture she built off seeing the bits of him left back in his EVA. But this version of him, was what he saying true or was it just what she wanted to hear.

"Why did you run away from me? I know what we did was wrong, and it hurts me but that was the first time I felt close to someone. I just… don't want to feel lonely anymore…"

"No one ever made me feel things the way you did, I don't feel much for other people except for you and the rest, especially you though. I like you guys. But that was the first time anyone ever tried to get close to me. I didn't know what to do… I'm sorry. I just don't know how to connect to people."

I just don't know how to connect to people, one thing they both had in common she thought, "It just feels so cold, do you feel cold Rei?"

"Yes, being lonely it makes me feel cold. Could I hold your hand? It feels like it makes the pain go away… at least for a little bit."

He didn't bother saying anything, he simply obliged her and offered his hand she hesitated at first unsure if he would shy away again and he must've seen the worry and hurt on her face, "Don't worry I won't run away this time, I won't abandon you again."

Hearing his reassurance, she took it gripping it lightly and he rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb she felt a smile grow across her face as the sensation of warmth traveled from his hand into her own and traveled into her heart. This feeling of warmth I feel, what is it she wondered, it didn't matter all that she knew is that she felt at ease again.

But then the heat was replaced by ice, looking up at his face she saw that it seemed like all the color was draining from him he looked like a black and white sketch as his eyes fluttered but he fought to keep a smile on, he looked more tired and weary. As if he was finally giving up after everything he'd been through, his face looked more sunken in he began slouching forward, still holding his hand she gripped him by the shoulders trying to get him upright. She noticed that all his color was draining away from him and into her.

All his color left the points she was touching him at and entered her as if she was leeching off his life essence. "Nathan…?" she choked out, as he slouched back, he gave her a smile as he coughed out a line of that orange liquid from the corner of his mouth.

"It's okay Rei… besides… who'd miss me?" with that and an odd comfortable look on his face, he slumped forward falling deeper into her arms, "Do- do you. Really care about me Rei?" he asked as a trickle of tears began to flow, "Yes, yes, I do. You wanted me around, you wanted me to comfort you… you made me feel needed. Nathan? Nathan?"

She lightly shook the boy, but it was pointless her words feel on deaf ears he gave no response other than the limp shaking of his head, it swayed side to side as he became nothing but dead weight, his empty eyes drained of all light stared up into the sky. If he wasn't dead, Rei thought he'd look almost happy and at peace, but he wasn't. He was just an empty shell, but she didn't want him like this she wanted him alive, Shinji too.

She let go off him as he fell back first into the puddle of Shinji, he was still staring up into the sky. She buried her face into his chest and punched the ground near him, why did she have to feel this pain? Was it worth it to have these feelings about others only to watch them die, to let them into your life only to watch them leave?

"You know why you're seeing this?" She looked up, "Who are you?"

Right in front of her floating above Nathan's body, was another her. "I am the you that you've repressed the inner you. The sum of your desires, the one you ignore."

"Why are you showing me this… why are you making me feel this pain?"

"Admit to yourself you deserve this pain. The way you play these two boys, you just want to keep them both all to yourself don't you. You fear being alone and if they only come to you when they're in pain you wish that they stay in pain. All because you hate being alone."

"That is not true, I want their pain to stop… I want them to be happy."

"You cannot lie to yourself, you know how this will end. Once your secret is reveled you will hurt one so bad, he will leave you and the other will leave simply to avoid ever getting close to you. Realize it that no one want to be around you, how could you ever be deserving of love. Who could ever love you?"

"You're wrong people do have love for me. They want me to stay around them."

"You will see…"

She awoke inside the clear glass tube with the LCL, it was a dream she thought as her eyes looked around the room and saw the Commander standing in front of her staring intently at her. She wondered if the others had moments like this, the Commander told her that her fellow pilots all spent time in facilities like this, but she along with them were forbidden to talk about it with one another.

"We're finished with everything Rei, you can come out now. How about a meal?"

"That sounds fine Commander." She replied, she hoped she hid the hatred in her voice, ever since she saw the inside of Shinji's mind, she could no longer stand the Commander's presence even just the thought of him made her feel hatred.

After she had cleaned off and gotten back into her school clothes, she joined the Commander in his private dining room, they sat on the opposite ends of a long wooden table the Commander had a glass of red wine along with a rare steak, mashed potatoes and vegetables.

Rei on the other hand had a plate full of the pills that Dr. Akagi prescribed to her and nothing else besides a glass of water… no ice. If it wasn't for the smell of the steak twisting her stomach into knots and the small pool of blood it was seeping out touching the rest of the plate, she might have been envious.

Why does he get something like that for himself but not for me? Why does he eat real food while I eat these? The others would have gotten me food, both the boys have given me meals why doesn't the Commander give me a real meal? Does he not see me as an equal, does he not care for me?

"How are things at school Rei?"

Commander Ikari's cold voice cut her thoughts away, "Oh, things are fine. Nothing interesting."

He gave a small grunt of acknowledgement then continued on with his meal, Rei thought about asking him about Shinji and how he could cause his son so much pain, but she decided against it, chances are he would have just lied to her or dismissed her question. The two of them finished their meals in silence, Rei carefully taking one pill at a time placing it in her mouth and when she was ready would wash them down.

After she was done instead of feeling warm and satisfied like she did when she had dinner with everyone else, she felt like her stomach was line with razors or knives, the stabbing pangs of hunger racked her body. "Rei..."

The Commander called out to her from the table stopping her from leaving, "I wouldn't bother getting too close to the other pilots, remember you have a purpose higher than them. In time they will leave."

"And I… will stay?"

"Correct."

Her eyes shut as she tried to fight the tears away, "Yes Commander."

The train ride home felt like it took forever, she sat in silence in the empty train as it rattled on home. She had her book bag at her feet and a small brown book in her hands, but she didn't feel like reading it. She just wanted to go home and forget everything, not even a hot shower relaxed her.

Still feeling hungry she rummaged around her kitchen for any scraps, she opened her fridge. "Oh, I forgot." She said softly to herself as she saw the inside of it, completely empty it might as well have been a store model. "I have nothing."

She opted to drink a glass of water instead, before she climbed into bed, she looked at herself in the mirror, she was wearing a thin medical gown, besides her undergarments and her school uniforms it was the only other thing she wore. It was looking worse for wear lately tiny holes and stain were all over it. Even the straps resting on her shoulders seemed to be barely clinging on.

Still hungry she climbed in her bed pulling the covers over her she stared out her window at the moon, I wish I wasn't alone tonight she thought, I wish someone was here with me. She touched a finger to her eye and saw a tear, why am I so lonely? She settled in closed her eyes and fell asleep. She had another dream that same night, she stood in total blackness, but she sensed the presence of something or someone else.

And there it was right in front of her. A being made totally of shadows with two silver pennies for eyes, her heart almost stopped as her blood ran cold seeing the thing that stood before her. "Who are you?" she asked in a quivering voice, she wanted to run away but where would she even run to? You can't escape a dream, her heart grew heavy as it felt her chest was being crushed in a vice.

The shadow being didn't answer it merely tilted its head unblinking staring at her deep into her soul. She asked again, "Who are you? You seem familiar but I forget who you are. ACK!"

Before she could react the shadow being lunged at her and gripped her throat with both hands pressing both thumbs against her windpipe it began choking the life out of her, Rei's eyes went wide as she tried to fight back but her limbs were locked in place and with each passing second she felt her heart beat with more force that send vibrations throughout her body but it seemed to grow fainter.

"Please stop, I don't want to die. I want to stay here with them, please stop." But the being took no heed to her hoarse pleas, her eye lids grew heavy as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and then there was nothing.

She awoke later how later she didn't know but a cool breeze rattled her nerves making her throw the blankets off herself as she sat up trying to breath and steady her heart which felt like it was going to rip itself out of her chest. She brought her knees to her chest as she hugged them tightly, but something was off. She walked over to the mirror everything looked the same except for her medical gown it was… too clean. It looked new and fresh as if she had just gotten it, but why was that.

It was almost falling apart when she went to bed earlier right? Not only that but it was bunched up in certain parts and was hanging loosely from her shoulders as if someone else had dressed her hastily. It was an uncomfortable feeling, she stood in the mirror staring into her own eyes and examining her throat. It still felt a little sore. How was she going to sleep now she thought to herself. I just want someone to be here, I want someone to comfort me, I want someone to keep the dreams away.

Then a thought popped back into her head, she walked over to her bookbag and sure enough it was still there his shirt. Why did I take this from him, why haven't I given it back? Why do I still have it? She bunched it up and held it near her face, it still smelled vaguely like him and it was calming. She climbed back into bed and held Nathan's shirt near his face, for a moment it seemed like he was right there with her.

She just wished that he was there with her and the two of them were listening to his music, just lying there in silence but together in the dark. Why did she feel this way to him, she wondered. She liked Shinji too but why did she keep thinking about Nathan this way, how could she have feelings for two boys?

She tried to find an answer to no avail and eventually her eyes fluttered shut and she was able to fall asleep, only this time she didn't dream.


	3. Chapter 3 the field trip

The next morning Shinji woke everyone up with the smell of breakfast and fresh coffee, well almost everyone Nathan still beat him to waking up, he found him sitting in a chair staring at the ceiling waiting for everyone else to wake up. I wonder if he even needs sleep, he wondered as he rubbed his eyes.

Soon the kitchen was filled with everyone as they ate and got ready for the big trip Mr. Kaji had planned for them, Hikari unfortunately could only stay for breakfast leaving Asuka to be the only girl joining the boys on the trip. Unless Rei would come, Shinji stood in the kitchen watching everyone eat like they were the last scraps on earth.

After he ate a small meal, he got to making everyone lunch for the trip but he noticed Nathan sitting at the table with the rest of the group, except instead of having a platter of food he just had a glass of some red fruit juice. "You're seriously not gonna eat any of this good stuff man?" Toji asked the boy in between bites of food.

"Not really a big breakfast guy, I don't eat much in the mornings."

"And the plot thickens, seriously how weird are you?" Asuka snapped.

"Please guys its too early for all of this… just shhhh." Misato groaned from behind a pair of sunglasses her chin resting on her hand as she brought a mug of fresh coffee to her mouth, she rubbed the sides of her temples giving silent thanks that soon all the kids would be gone, she loved them but having Asuka around while having a hangover was just a nightmare.

"When is Kaji gonna get here?' she mumbled.

"He said he'd be around here by midday." Shinji said cheerfully as he danced around the kitchen pan to pan, sprinkling things here and there watching each dish as it cooked making sure everything was perfect.

"It can't come any sooner." Asuka groaned, "Any time away from Mr. Kaji is too long."

"You seem to have a really unhealthy obsession with this Kaji guy." Nathan snarked as he polished off the rest of the glass. Asuka turned to face him growing redder with each passing second, she let out a growl as Kensuke and Toji laughed at her. "Oh my god I was waiting for someone to finally say it, but I was just too scared to." Kensuke choked out.

Everyone only had time to brush their teeth much to Asuka's dismay but at least they'd have fresh breath and just as Hikari left, the lunch packed and ready to go Kaji showed up ready to take the kids off on their trip. The jeep had more than enough room to seat everyone, but still Asuka sat shotgun next to Kaji while the trio took up the middle row of seats leaving Nathan to sit alone in the back row leaning far back staring up at the open sky as the wind fluttered his hair drowning out the excitement of the others with Owen's one of these days.

Why am I like this? He wondered to himself looking at the others silently, seeing the ecstatic grins on their faces as they looked at one another and Kaji, they looked so happy just to be around one another. I like them but… why do I feel so drained and empty after a while being near them? Why can't I be like that, could I ever be like that? Shinji turned to face him, Nathan merely gave a small smile and nod his friend nodded back in return and turned away saying something to Kaji with that Nathan returned his attention to the sky and closed his eyes.

"So, do you think we can stop by Rei's place Kaji? If it's not too much of a hassle I mean."

Kaji gave a shrug and looked in the rear view meeting the young boy's eyes, "It's no problem at all Shinji, I think it's sweet that you want to invite your girlfriend out with your friends."

"He's just hoping that he can get her alone for some smooching." Toji said rolling his eyes as he gave Shinji a push, "Hey I just want to know where she is man, she wasn't there after we finished up our testing last time."

"So how did things go kids?"

"I don't want to talk about it Mr. Kaji, things just got too weird. And I'd appreciate it if you kept your trap shut about it Shinji you too Nathan." she barked out her orders, Shinji gave a nervous shrug as he scrunched up his face. He wasn't ready to talk about the things either, but there was still someone else who hadn't acknowledged her.

"Got it Nathan? Nathan! Hey idiot are you deaf or just stupid?"

The kids turned to see the silent member slumped in his corner of the jeep with his eyes shut, lightly snoozing. "He's asleep Asuka, you guys think we should wake him up?" Kensuke asked swiveling in his seat. "No, just let him sleep. Jeez I would've thought that after last night's party he'd get enough sleep." Kaji chuckled remembering all the wild parties he went to during his college years where more often than not he'd wake up in a stranger's closet or bathtub often with Misato curled up next to him.

"Me and him hung out on the roof a little last night, we had some tea and he told me he doesn't sleep that well. He said he wakes up a lot during the night and it takes him forever to fall back to sleep."

Shinji remembered their private hangout last night and wondered just what was wrong with his new friend, "Well jeez Shinji how much does he even sleep? Cuz right now it looks like he's out" Toji nodded his eyes all wide, even if everyone went to bed late, for the most part they had gotten enough rest or felt like they had. Nathan was the only with the black marks under his eyes, well the one. The one with the birthmark looked a little less obvious.

"He said some nights it feels like he gets only like an hour or two of sleep…"

The trio shared a worried glance, sure he was a little weirder than the average youth but he in a way they adopted him as one of their own, so they were in the right to be worried about him. But then Asuka had to say something snarky about him, "Oh, please what is so wrong with that kid that he barely sleeps? Too much on his mind, what could be there. He should just push on through it like a man."

No one replied to her, she knew she was just casting stones now to cast stones but she felt a slight pang of guilt, besides she had her own share of sleepless nights, there were some nights her own mind was muddled with her unwanted thoughts that kept sleep away for a while, she was eventually able to sleep but she didn't feel rested.

None of the kids even noticed that they had pulled up into Rei's apartment complex until they hearing the grinding gears stop and the E-brake being pulled. "Alright Shinji we're here, go on and see if she's home."

Filled with excitement Shinji hopped out of the seat as his stomach swelled up with butterflies, as he made his way to Rei's apartment he noticed just how dry his mouth felt yet he could only taste bile in his throat and his legs became all cold and wobbly like a new born calf's.

Reaching her door, he wet his lips before he knocked on it.

KNOCK… KNOCK…KNOCK

He took a small step back as he waited for a response, he must've waited maybe less than a minute but it felt so much longer, he was almost about to lose hope looking at his watch to see how much time had passed until he heard the door creak open and he saw a sleepy eyed Rei with messy… well messier hair staring at him groggily. Oh, man I woke her up he thought to himself feeling a little bad about disturbing her.

"Oh… Hello Shinji why are you here?" she asked rubbing her eyes.

"Well I wanted to check up on you… and I was wondering if-" he scratched the back of his neck nervously as he leaned side to side, "Mr. Kaji was gonna take all us kids to some water treatment facility and I was wondering if you would come along with us. It'd be nice having you there with me… I mean us. With us."

"Yes, that does sound enjoyable let me just wash up."

"Well times a factor Rei if you wanna come we gotta go now."

"I understand but I would feel more comfortable after a shower, you can wait for me in my room if you would like."

She pivoted away not letting Shinji voice his argument, figuring it was pointless he walked in closing the door behind him walking around her apartment it looked a little messy, but he could tell that she was trying to keep things a little cleaner than last time. "Ah!" he let out a sharp cry as he felt something land on him, pulling it off he saw that it was that odd piece of clothing she was wearing when he first saw her.

Looking behind him, he was her from the back as she stepped into the open uncovered shower, looking at her pale skin as she stepped into the shower, he felt his heart race and his blood rushed throughout his body he felt flushed. He slapped his hand over his face and walked away from the sight of her, sitting on her bed he fumbled with the cloth realizing it was a small medical gown, "Are these her pajamas?" he asked quietly.

He heard her start to hum some song he'd never heard before, he set her gown aside and leaned back on his hands, and that's when he saw it bunched up underneath her nearly flat pillow was a shirt. It looked like it was the kind that was part of the school's uniform, but it wasn't a girl's shirt, it was a guy's shirt. He slowly pulled it out and looked at it, it was definitely a guy's shirt.

Why did she have this, who gave it to her? He could feel his eyes stinging as his chest grew hot and heavy. Why would she do this to me, he asked how could she do this to me? I like her so much and what's this all about? He heard the shower squeak off he quickly hid the shirt under the pillow again as a dripping Rei walked out wrapped in a towel. "What's wrong, you look alarmed Shinji."

"Oh." He sniffed a little as he gripped his stinging eyes, "Gah, it's nothing just allergies. You almost ready?"

She gave a small nod, "I just need to dry off and dress."

He decided to give her some privacy as he headed out, leaning against the railing outside her door he silently cursed himself for being too chicken to ask her about the shirt. It wasn't his he knew that much, but he thought about the fallback that could happen with him questioning Rei about it. Was it really worth it?

The door opened up and Rei emerged, after locking it she gave him a small smile as she walked up to him, "Thank you for inviting me Shinji, today sounds like it will be fun."

He felt a knife drive through his chest, "Yeah, no problem Rei. Anything for you."

The couple joined their friends, taking the two open seats in the back they sat with Shinji on the hump next to the still sleeping Nathan, "Not to be morbid or anything but are we even sure he's alive right now?" Kensuke asked as the jeep grinding over the gravel and turned out into the streets.

"He's alive idiot can't ya hear him breathing" Toji asked, leaning in sure enough the boys heard a small gasp and saw him stir just a little. "Well that's good to hear otherwise this trip would turn into us having to hide a dead body." Kaji joked but none of the kids laughed at that one, not even Asuka.

The engine hummed as Toji and Kensuke talked about the girls in their classroom (being sure to exclude Asuka, Hikari and Rei obviously) describing each one's measurements in detail while Asuka groaned calling them perverts leaning out of her sit to try and punch them.

Rei had her head softly resting on Shinji's shoulder as he had an arm around her waist, he should have been smiling but he just didn't feel like it, and no shocker Nathan was still asleep. "Seriously… hey Kensuke, Toji give me the news is he still asleep?" Kaji was bewildered how could a kid sleep that long in a car ride and not open his eyes once.

"Uh- yeah he's still out cold Mr. Kaji I don't think anything could wake him up." Kensuke said raising his shoulders, "Let me pinch his nose shut or flick it that'll get him to wake up." Toji chuckled as he began to lean over.

"No let me handle this one Toji, I got the thing that'll wake him up." Kaji said slyly as he eyed the last stretch to the water treatment facility, it was less than a mile long but for security reasons it was stretched out with several tight turns with four to five-foot concrete barriers set up at random points. It looked more like a spring or a snake all scrunched up, "What are you doing Mr. Kaji you've got that crazy look in your eye."

"What's the matter Asuka don't you trust me?"

"I do but- MR KAJI!" She squealed as he stepped down hard on the gas making the tire screech as they smoked sending the scent of burning rubber into the passenger's nostrils. "Oh my god what are you doing Mr. Kaji!" Kensuke shouted as he tried to steady his camera, trying to catch the madness that was unfolding before their eyes.

"You kids ever hear of drifting?" he said as he gripped the E-brake already going through the motions to pop the clutch and shift gears.

"Drifting with all that blocks there? Oh my god we're all gonna die! I don't wanna die a virgin!" Toji cried out as he strapped on the spare seat belt, Shinji cried gripping Rei so hard her eyes popped out. "Here we go hope everyone has their seat belts on!"

Kaji popped the clutch and turned the wheel all the way to the right in one motion, pulling the E-brake up for a split second locking the wheels in place as the car glided going left and just as the curve for the right turn was coming up he took the E-brake off, popped the clutch again and swerved the other way barely missing the block by an inch.

He kept fish tailing the car screeching and burning away inches of rubber off the tires leaving a trail of smoke behind him along with the screaming kids, save for Rei who just gritted her teeth and buried her face into Shinji's chest waiting for the ride to be over, each kid locked themselves into place fighting against the momentum and inertia from the car, which was probably the worst thing that they could have done but they didn't care they just wanted the ride to be over.

"Only a few more turns guys don't worry we'll make!"

"Please don't kill us Mr. Kaji!" Asuka screamed covering her face up, "I never got to touch a boob." Cried Kensuke, "I think I just pissed myself!" Screamed Toji in a high-pitched female voice. As they passed the last turn Kaji figured he'd have a little more fun with the kids as he took the E-break off he spun the wheel as fast as he could fighting against it with every ounce of strength.

The jeep was spinning out of control spinning in a circle leaving a small tester of smoke behind it along with thick black tire tracks, "Tell me when it's over." Groaned Shinji, "Don't let go of me." Cried Rei as the Jeep suddenly stopped screeching perfectly into a park space backwards. "Ahh… Ahh… Ahh…" the kids in unison let out little cries of relief and fear, finally the nightmare was over they were safe.

Unbuckling himself Kaji spun around, "So travelers how are we doin-? Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

Leaning forward with his pressed against the middle row the only thing stopping him from falling out of his seat was the chest strap of his seatbelt holding him upright was Nathan still asleep. "How can someone sleep through a nightmare like that? Oh my god I think my heart's in my stomach." Groaned Kensuke gripping his chest with his free hand.

"Yeah for real when he goes out, he goes out." Muttered Toji as he tried to unravel himself from the tangle of two seatbelts. "Jeez I wish I could sleep like that." Asuka muttered as her wide eyes took up the scenery and she was exhaling massive breaths.

"Are you okay Rei?" Shinji asked peeling back from her, she lifted her head from his chest opening her eyes a little staring back into his, "Yes, I am… thank you for comforting me Shinji."

"Who- what? Where are we?" Everyone's eyes landed on the sputtering sleeping boy who shot up, his glasses crooked and hanging half on his face, "Uh- why are you all staring at me like that? Are my glasses crooked?" his hands shot up to his ears knocking the earbuds out as he frantically fixed his glasses.

"Okay no freaking way you just slept through all of that!" Shouted Toji as he flipped upright, "All what?" he asked unbuckling getting his things into his pockets.

"You seriously don't know… all the drifting Nathan! How Mr. Kaji almost killed all of us trying to pull some stupid prank on you and scare you awake."

"Keyword is almost kids… please used that word liberally if you tell Misato what happe-. You know what just forget what happened guys… please, please don't tell her what happened."

"Oh yeah what's it worth to ya? Cause I got the whole thing on video." Kensuke beamed brightly holding his camera up, Kaji sighed and narrowed his eyes, "Let me get my wallet kid."

"Wait the car was skidding around?"

"I said drifting Nathan, clean the wax outta your ears."

"Well yeah then Toji I'm sorry I guess I was really out of it."

The rest of the kids shook their heads in disbelief that someone out there in the wide, wide world could stay asleep through nearly a mile of drifting, screeching and screaming kids.

Just as the group was about to hop out of the car an armed guard carrying a rifle slung over his shoulder approached them, "Damn it, I knew it was you. How many times am I gonna have to tell you Kaji? You can't just drift up here anytime you want. One of these days I'm not gonna be on watch and some trigger-happy bastard is gonna give you two in the chest and one in the head."

"Sorry Han, I swear it'll be the last time." He chuckled out, "Besides I had to show the kids a good time, not to mention I'm a little out of practice so- "

"Out of practice!?" the group of kids shouted surprising, Nathan and the two grown men. "Just don't let it happen again Kaji, I don't care if you say letting the girls here see you drift down that lane gets you any action. This is my job okay, try not to get me fired."

"Yeah sorry friend, last time I swear."

Han the guard merely rolled his eyes and walked away, muttering something like this wasn't the first time Kaji had said and done this to him. "So, being a drift king can get you some action eh? Looks like I know what to practice come vacation time." Toji said as he cupped his hands behind his head stretching out.

"Two things first you monkey faced idiot, first the driving age in Japan is 18 and second what girl is gonna wanna get with someone who just peed their pants like a little kid?"

Looking down he saw the darkened blotch on his pants, yelping he took off his jacket and tied it around his waist hiding his accident from the world, "Goddamn it, now I'm gonna be stuck like this for the whole trip."

"Ack." The group turned around as they head a weary groan coming from the trunk of the car, slowly approaching it Kaji opened it up and sitting there head spinning around with stars in his eyes was Pen-pen completely disoriented shaking his head side to side as if he were trying to figure out where he was.

"Hey little guy how'd you wind up in here?" Kaji asked getting closer to the bird, "WARGH!" The bird let out a foul reeking burp that smelt like if there was a brewery that was first covered in vomit before it was filled with rotting fish carcasses before being set ablaze. "Oh jeez… well no biggie we all wind up in strange places after a few too many little guy, I just wish I knew you were in here maybe I wouldn't have gassed it so much then."

The penguin gave a small groan in return before flopping on his back with his feet up. "Don't fret little guy we'll give you the best cure for a hangover there is, and I'll get you back home to Misato."

"Warg." Pen-pen seemed to enjoy that idea, "And as for you Toji don't worry you won't be stuck in those clothes all day, and as for the smell. Kids get ready for the most relaxing shower of your lives."


	4. Chp4 shot of the future, a past glimpse

"How is this supposed to be relaxing?!" Asuka's voice was quickly drowned out by the whoosh of the jets of water shooting out from the sides of the room, the water came out steaming hot instantly cooking the poor kids' outsides turning their skin hot pink, Shinji, Asuka, Toji and Kensuke hopped around crying out in pain trying to cover up any exposed part of their skin.

Nathan merely accepted it was his fate to experience a lobster's last moments and curled up on the floor, strangely enough the scorching hot water seemed to have no affect on Rei or Pen-pen in fact the later seemed to relish the water leaning back and letting out small groans of pleasure.

After ten or so minutes after their hot soak the jets stopped but before the kids could let out any sigh of relief that was when the cold jets kicked in sending ice cold water that made your bones lock into place knocking into the kids, "Turn it off, turn it off!" Shinji sputtered spitting out water shivering like a leaf.

"Yeah man just give us the hot water back." Toji gasped out. The vicious cycle was barely beginning though because after the kids thought they were going to die from hypothermia the water stopped, the air had become so cold that each one of them was covered in goosebumps except Pen-pen of course.

Letting out clouds of breath the kids hoped that the wonderful shower they were promised would soon be over but then there was the rumbling of pipes, they creaked and groaned it sounded like the whole building was shifting. "Oh, what now?" muttered Nathan looking up from his fetal position, just then the purple began to stream from the ceiling.

"Relax kids the first cycle is almost halfway done."

"First cycle?" Everyone cried out while Rei silently looked at them, Pen-pen on the other hand was trying to attempt the back stroke in the rising water. "You don't think he's trying to drown us do you guys." Squeaked Kensuke looking at the rising water trying to climb up the sides of the room, "What noooo." Toji said.

But at that moment the water pressure increased, and the purple water began to flow like a waterfall, "Maybe." He added eyes all wide as he too tried to climb up breathing erratically as if he couldn't decide between panicking or filling his lungs with air.

"Ah, jeez I chose the wrong day to wear boxers." Groaned Nathan as he began to back up into a corner holding a fist full of his shorts near his right hip., the already wet cloth was hanging limply off his bony body. "Why would you wear boxers and not boxer briefs?" Shinji asked.

"Because I think they fit my body type and I like the loose and free feeling they give me. There ya happy you both hurt and thoroughly embarrassed me you bastar- arghmpf!" he didn't get finish his thoughts the water finally reached the kids' mouths each one sputtered out the purple water as they struggled to swim and stay above the rising water. While the others swam to the middle of the room craning their necks keep sucking down sweet, sweet oxygen down Rei and Pen-pen calmly swam through the water.

Puzzled as to why their friends were panicking, they kept swimming around them. With only inches of air left all the kids pressed their noses against the ceiling taking in their final breaths before the room was completely filled up and they were floating aimlessly around in their fish tank groaning with eyes bulging out as they fought to keep their mouths shut. Their lungs and throats burning for fresh air. The water seemed to burn their skin, except for Rei and Pen-pen everyone had their hands cupped over their mouths, they could feel their hearts start to slow.

But just before the moment of blackening out came there was a rush of water running past them and they felt the pull of gravity gripping them. Kicking with all their might they pulled themselves up to the surface of the receding water everyone gasped in new air, coughing up their lungs. Once all the water had disappeared Rei stood near Shinji patting his back while everyone else collapsed into a water breathing raggedy. "Dear god please tell me we're done." Toji coughed out.

That was when the pale blue water started to flow from the ceiling, "Sorry kids you still got a few more cycles of this to go through. Besides you still have to go through the fans." Kaji chuckled.

"Shinji if we make it out of this… I'm gonna kill you." Asuka said in a hoarse voice.

"Why are you blaming me for this? You were the first one to want to come as soon as you heard Mr. Kaji would be here!"

Once the grueling cycle was finished the kids walked out in paper gowns and sandals, sighing and already tired they just wanted to go home, even the air conditioning on their skin hurt it was like being rubbed with sand paper for hours before being thrown into a pot of boiling alcohol. But once those doors slid open and they saw what was before them it was all worth it and then some.

None of them ever thought a shade of blue like that could exist, the aquarium was littered with glass cases, industrial piping and walkways everywhere. Each water tank was filled with species of every single sea animal that ever existed, from small shrimps and carbs all the way up to sailfish, dolphins and octopi They even managed to stick enormous whales and sting rays, there were even sea creatures that seemed more rock or plant than animal. All the kids stood in silence with mouth agape taking in the vibrant sea life and all the colors that seemed like you could only see them in a dream.

"Wow everything's so beautiful." Gasped Asuka.

"Well kids what are ya waiting for? You just gonna stand there or what?" Kaji's voice crackled over the PA, "Yeah c'mon let's check 'em out!" Toji and Kensuke ran off together running quickly to each tank pressing their faces against the glass, Kensuke caught a few seconds on film and then they ran to the next tank. Toji pointed each species out while Kensuke shouted excited what animal it was.

"C'mon Rei let's go." Taking her wrist in his hand Shinji took Rei off leaving Asuka and Nathan standing side by side, "I'm not doing that with you if you're wondering." Asuka muttered as she walked off, "Fine by me." Giving a half-hearted shrug Nathan walked off to the least populated part of the aquarium.

Pen-pen tagged along with Kensuke and Toji but once he found the tank filled with other penguins he decided to stay with his brothers and sisters, squawking with flippers spread. "So, what do you think Rei, all these fish aren't their colors beautiful?"

They stood on a walkway with a circular tube full of brightly colored purple and blue fish, they all swam in a group going around and around in circles. Staring forward at nothing, Rei stepped forward a little closer putting her hand against the glass, "Yes, their colors are amazing, yet I feel sad for them."

"Why do you feel sad Rei?"

"Because they're trapped in here, they're unable to live in the sea where they belong, so this is the only place they can survive. I wish I could set them free, so they can see the rest of the world. The world we're protecting. I wish others could see them. But also, because they remind me of myself."

Shinji didn't say anything he just turned his head towards her and gave her a worried glance. "I feel trapped sometimes, I know I what life I want to live but… I feel as if I am not allowed to live it. I want to be happy with those I care for, but I feel as if my fate is already decided, I just wish I knew what it was. I wish I knew what I truly wanted."

Is she talking about being a pilot? Does she hate it, but is she talking about me too? Am I trapping her, does she hate me? Shinji scooted closer to her and silently took her hand in his, am I okay with this? With her having another guy's shirt. I just want her to be happy, I want to keep her safe, if anyone deserves to be happy it's her. "Is there anything I can do Rei?" he asked.

She stood silently for a second, "Can we move on, maybe seeing other fish will make me less sad."

"Fine. Let's see what Nathan's up to."

He was standing by himself, leaning his chin and arms on some railing in front of a massive water tank that looked like it could fill one of the great lakes, it was completely empty except for a single great white shark, it was swimming straight for the glass until it took a sharp bank and swam off to the left its black eye staring intensely at Nathan.

He already read the three info plaques about the shark and he remembered reading about them when he was younger back at the Nevada NERV HQ library, come to think of it that's where he spent most of the time, at least the time he wasn't doing any testing or locked in his room staring at his phone or the ceiling or tv.

The shark looked beautiful in its simplicity, like whatever it was at first or whatever designed it got it right the first time, all these years since this overrated rock was formed and this thing never had to change, whatever its surroundings was it was perfectly suited for it.

But now it just looked sad and pathetic, it swam in the same patterns and in the same motions something about it was just… off.

"Hey Nathan, what's up you get a look at the rest of the fish and stuff."

"Uh- yeah about half of them I was gonna do another pass and see the rest. I just wanted to see this one first though."

"Well sharks are pretty cool, I mean have you seen how many movies there are about them?"

"They are one of nature's perfectly designed animals besides crocodiles and alligators." Rei added.

"Yeah, they are pretty cool, but I don't know something's just off about it. It's a great white this shouldn't even be possible."

"What do you mean Nathan, look at it. Its right there in front of you how is it not possible?"

"I read about them years ago Shinji, and this isn't possible. They can't live in captivity at least not for long anyways. And how old is this one anyways, how long can they live for? And the way it moves, it's too fluid too coordinated like its fake or a copy some kind of imitation. Maybe they just cloned this thing and I don't know made it adapt to this tank."

The couple stood in silence as he continued his rant, he threw his arms into the air he seemed to be getting angrier and angrier all because he didn't like the way the shark moved. "Besides what do they expect to happen after we're done fighting the angels? Do they even think that it's possible to clean up the oceans or that a caged animal like this a clone maybe is gonna be able to live out there?!"

"Do you not like clones?" Rei's voice wavered as she leaned past Shinji trying to get a view of the angst-ridden boy. "No, I don't why would I want a clone when I could get the real authentic original?"

"C'mon Nathan these guys here seem to know what they're doing, besides don't you have any hope for the future? Besides don't you want to see these little guys free?"

"Open your eyes Shinji! These things are conditioned to live in these and in only these conditions they're too reliant on us to survive on their own. At some point any and all basic survival instinct is gonna be bred out of them. And what if the cleaning process takes longer than expected? How many specimens have already died, how many times have they had to recycle them and clone them to keep their tanks stocked?"

"Well maybe- "

"Don't interrupt me. Do the math Shinji, when the second impact happened how much of the world's aquatic life died following that? What percentage survived, what percentage is still alive? And even then, what how big really are the world's oceans? How much would they even populate? And then there'd be so much emptiness it'd be like a giant empty pool, besides be reliant on us to feed them their just gonna hang out by wherever we release them or live em masse near the coasts. It's better if they live and all die out in here. How many times would we have to clone them to keep them around, by the time it's done they won't be any originals left they'll just be echoes of what they once were. What's the point of it anyways if they're all gonna die out anyways? I don't even know why we're here, what's the point of it all. This world's just gonna wind up another lifeless rock like the rest in the cosmos no different than the other lifeless worlds floating through space why is this one so special?"

"It's special because we're here, we're piloting the EVAs so humanity has a future! So, we have one!" Shinji stepped away from the railing facing Nathan face to face, the two boys were both getting red in the face breathing heavily.

"You really think after the angels are gone that the temporary peace humanity has with one another will last than you're an idiot. Humanity is either gonna kill itself or just simply disappear, besides if we're gone then there's no one to acknowledge we're gone or remember us, and it'll be like we were never even here!" Gasping out of breath Nathan walked away in a huff throwing his arms up, Shinji just stood there a for moment stunned by his friend's outburst.

"I think I should go and try to comfort him." Rei said walking away before Shinji could voice his opinion.

She found him alone sitting in the darkened room filled with tanks that contained the bioluminescent fish, the ones that had lures with a single glowing bulb or seemed to glow bright unnatural colors and had rows of sharpened needle like teeth. The kinds that could only live in the deepest darkest depths of the oceans, the depths where light never existed.

He was leaning over himself burying his face in his right hand and in his left, he had his glasses slowly twisting the leg making it go in circles, he was muttering over and over again, "Why are you like this? Why can't you just relax and be happy?"

She didn't say anything at first, she just sat next to him leaving a few inches of space between the two of them, just enough so Rei wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable but close enough to where he knew she was there wanting to relax him. "Do you really see no point in piloting the EVA?"

He didn't look at her he just kept staring at the floor, "No long-term purpose anyways, face it Rei once the angels are gone there's only two end games for us. One they don't need us anymore, so they just dump us somewhere leaving us to our own devices, or once the funding for fighting the angels stops, they have us fight people in those things."

"Why would we fight other people?" she shifted her knees lightly knocking into his, "I swear it's like you guys don't watch the news or read the reports. Think about it Rei how much of the world is in a mess just so we can get funding. There's bound to be a lot bad blood building up and once they don't need us to protect the world, they'll try to take everything they didn't get."

"You don't really believe, that do you? Do you not have faith in people?"

"All I'm gonna say Rei is that it was only less than 20 years between world wars."

"Then why continue piloting the EVA?"

He gave a shrug and sigh, finally meeting her eyes, "Hey whatever gets me out of bed I guess."

"I am not sure if I can fight against people, I don't think I am capable of taking a human life."

He put his glasses back on and set his hand absentmindedly near hers she gasped a little his hand was so cold it seemed to have an aura of ice drifting off of it she clutched her hand how could he still be so cold from all that hot water? "Oh, sorry." He said pulling away curling up a little, "No its okay." She took his hand in her and stroked the top of his hand with her thumb like he did to her he gave her a small smile as he looked at her, "I just want you to know Rei if it ever comes to that… I'll take your place, so you'd never have to be in that situation."

"T-thank you. Can I ask you something else?"

"What is it?"

"You used to call me Ayanami but now you call me Rei, why did you change the way you address me?"

"I don't really know why. I guess I'd rather just call you by your given name, you prefer me calling you Ayanami?"

"I prefer whichever one that you want to call me by."

"Well I'm asking you. What do you want, what do you want me to call you?"

"The one you like."

"Rei! I'm telling you I like both of your names, I love your name, but I want to call you the one that makes you happy, not me!"

The one that makes me happy? She thought silently to herself, what makes me happy. Ayanami the name of a family I never had or met, that name it should give me happiness or some feeling of belonging, but it only causes me pain to hear it. Why don't I have a family? But when he calls me Rei, my given name it- it makes me happy. To hear someone acknowledge me, and not a family I never knew. It makes my heart warm and heavy to hear him say my own name the thing that represents me.

"Rei… I enjoy it when you call me Rei."

"Ok then… Rei."

There was a clatter of steps and Rei's hand left his grasp looking over the two saw Shinji walk over, "Hey guys we're about to have lunch you hungry?"

Asuka sauntered in, "So Shinji we gonna eat or what? Don't make the rest of us wait just because Nathan's having a meltdown. Gott you can try and work on keeping the volume down next time you get all doom and gloomy."

"Fine whatever Asuka, let's just go eat." Nathan said walking past everyone putting his hands into the pockets of his gown, "I can never say it enough man that kid is weird."

"Oh man Shinji you outdid yourself this time!"

"Yeah Shinji everything's soooo good."

Toji and Kensuke continued to shower their friend the master chief with compliments, "Oh, c'mon guys its nothing special just synthetic meat products like the regular food we every day. I just added a little something extra. Besides when you live with Misato you'd better learn how to cook or get ready to starve." He joked.

"Well whatever you did man its working, mmmm! Can I get some more?" Toji asked reaching for second helpings before someone even answered him. On the picnic blanket Kaji sat surrounded by Asuka on his right and Shinji on his left with Rei sitting close next to him. Toji and Kensuke took up the last corner with Pen-pen and sitting on a nearby bench alone facing the group was Nathan.

"Your friends' got a point there Shinji women love a man who knows his way around the kitchen, it's one of the easiest arts to learn but the hardest to master. So, playing the cello and cooking is there anything you can't do?"

"Uh- well I mean there's some things I'm not so great at, I mean Toji's the athlete and I guess Kensuke is the photographer film guy. I'm sure Nathan's got some talents too."

"Yeah you know he's not that bad of a writer." Kensuke mumbled through a mouthful of food, "Toji you got the thing?"

"Oh, crap almost forgot. Uh- here's this back Nathan, I forgot to give it to ya last night, but here it is. Sorry again."

"Oh, don't tell me that's the same poem you read in class, I swear as soon as you read that everyone was asking questions for the rest of the day." Asuka grumbled glared at Toji, "Hey don't blame me sure I read it, but he's the one that wrote it." He pointed accusingly at Nathan who just rolled his eyes and sighed.

"So, this is the famous love poem you wrote for our dear Asuka, care to share it?" Kaji asked tossing a small piece of fake meat shaped like an octopus in his mouth. "Go ahead and read it Toji everyone here's already heard it."

"You sure?"

Giving a silent nod, Toji cleared his throat and read it, only this time he didn't put on a funny voice or try to read it in an over dramatic fashion. "So, we have the musical chef and love tortured poet, don't worry Nathan I'm sure Asuka will warm up to you even if the poem didn't have an ending."

"I still can't believe you chasing after Asuka Nathan." Kensuke muttered shaking his head, "Believe what you want to believe man."

"Rei what's wrong you're not eating. Did you not like it?" Shinji asked his voice full of hurt and concern, "No, it's not that Shinji. It's just you made me a meat dish and I don't eat meat."

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry Rei I totally forgot." Shinji fumbled around the basket searching for something else for her, "In the meantime I'll gladly take that off your hands Rei." Toji walked over snatching the bento box from Rei's hands with Pen-pen in tow, "Wark, wark, wark!"

"Get away from me you stupid bird you ain't getting anything from me!" Walking away Toji turned his back to Pen-pen, the bird narrowed his cold eyes and then with a cry of fury the bird leaped over the picnic set up and bit Toji on the ass with his beak. "Argh! Let go let go let go let go!" Toji screamed as he ran away clutching the box in one hand, trying to rip Pen-pen off with the other.

"So not that I'm interested or anything but how does the poem end Nathan?" Asuka cocked an eyebrow as she sipped from a canned coffee, Nathan silently eyeing the paper then in folded it up and shoved it into his pants pocket. "Well I know how it ends but I'm not sure I'm gonna tell you guys."

"What?!" Asuka's eyes went wild in disbelief, "You have to have an ending!"

"You're really gonna leave us on a cliff hanger?" Kensuke huffed crossing his arms.

"Well yes… it doesn't matter how I end it people are gonna think what they're gonna think."

"I'm so sorry Rei, I don't think I made any vegetarian dishes, but I did make some miso soup. Here you can have the whole thing if you want." Shinji handed Rei the open thermos pouring her a fresh cup of it, their fingers lightly touching as he passed it to her. They held together for a second feeling the sparks that leapt finger to finger from their touch.

"Geez what's with all the hand holding get a room you two." Kensuke snickered out, Shinji's head shot over to him his face along with Rei's turned bright red and he quickly handed off the cup, Rei looked to the cup shy as she brought her arms close to her chest sipping from the cup. "It's good." She smiled out.

"I'm glad to hear Rei. Maybe if we get another chance, I could make something personally for you."

"Keep it in your pants Shinji you perv!" Asuka's intrusive curt thought made Shinji blush more, "Jeez man where does the day go?" Kaji looked at his watch catching the kids' attention. "C'mon guys finish up it's almost time to get back home."

"C'mon Mr. Kaji can't we stay with you a little while longer?" Asuka whined leaning over wrapping her slender arms around his and resting her head on his shoulder. "You know how much I'd like to stick with you kids Asuka, but I've got important stuff to do. But don't worry we'll see each other again soon."

"But how soon Mr. Kaji?"


	5. Chapter 5 caught in the rain

The jeep came to a rumbling stop outside of Rei's apartment, "You mind if I walk you to your apartment Rei?" Shinji asked, "No I don't mind, I'd like that very much Shinji."

Rei and Shinji climbed out of the truck but suddenly Nathan hopped out of the opposite end and began walking alone away from everyone else, "Hey Nathan where do you think you're headed?" Kaji asked leaning over the door.

"I was headed home." He replied flatly turning in his spot, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder "It's really not that far from here, besides I could use the alone time. No offense guys but if I'm anywhere near another person for too long… I just end up feeling so tired and drained. So… bye."

He pivoted and started to walk again but he stopped dead in his tracks once Asuka called him out, "Is this because of your boo-hoo the world's gonna end so why bother doing anything everything is pointless speech you gave in the aquarium? Boy and I thought Shinji was pathetic, you are literary worse than Holden Caulfield."

Giving a long-dejected sigh he hung his head before turning around and facing her, "See that's what Holden would do!"

"Look guys I just need some alone time and a walk the weather's nice out…"

"Nathan it looks like its gonna rain, c'mon just get back in the jeep and I'll drive you home."

"Well I like this kind of weather and besides, I hate awkward situations."

Toji shot back with, "How is this situation awkward at all, Mr. Kaji's just gonna drive us home."

"Well it's not awkward now but it will be after I finally tell Asuka that Kensuke and you've been selling creep shots of her to the other guys at school and I'm sure some of them were upskirt shots."

"WHAT?! You disgusting creeps… is that why all those gross nerds have been following me around the school?" She turned and around and while Mr. Kaji tried in vain to stop Asuka from throwing a flurry of punches on the two cowering boys, Nathan clicked his tongue put in his earbuds and smugly said, "Now it's awkward, bye guys." But no one heard him leave the only ones who noticed him walking away were Rei and Shinji, but the latter was more distracted by the sight of the slim Asuka managing to fight against Mr. Kaji's grip and wail on his friends.

"We should hurry if it's going to storm, I would much prefer to be inside." Rei answered in a small voice that almost sounded afraid, "Yeah no problem Rei let's go."

As the two of them walked up the stairs Shinji spoke up, "So back at the aquarium… that scene he made it was… well I don't know what to say. I'm not sure if he's holding up or how long he'll last Rei. I'm kinda worried about him."

As they climbed up the flights of stairs Rei silently thought back to the EVA cross training and the pain that Nathan left in there. "I worry about him too, have you talked about what you felt during the cross training with the others yet?"

"No… besides I'm pretty sure there's no way Asuka or Nathan would want to talk about it with each other much less than us."

"I feel the sense that he carries a lot of pain in his heart, maybe we could do something nice for him. Like the time you… cleaned my room for me."

"That's a great idea Rei!" he said excitedly but then his voice turned into disappointment, "But I don't think he'd like it if I cleaned his room and I'm not sure how he'd feel about a party or something."

"Is there anything he does enjoy? I notice that he likes music like you do."

Shinji scratched his chin just below his lower lip, and then it came to him. Snapping his fingers "I've got it! Maybe we could get him some fancy tea or something. He loves drinking it, maybe we could get him a soothing and stress relief tea or something. It seems like he could Use that."

"Do you mind if I do this myself Shinji? I would like to do something nice for a person, it would be nice to have that same feeling you do when you do things for me."

He was caught off guard for a single, just long enough so that she passed him on the stairs turning the corner to her door he lost sight of her, but he quickly snapped back and jogged after her. "Sure yeah, go ahead Rei. I'm sure you'd make him happy." And just as they arrived at her door they stood in silence, "Thank you for inviting me out today Shinji I had a wonderful time."

"I'm glad you decided to come Rei, I'm just sorry that we haven't had time to schedule our date."

"There has been a lot of events that have gotten in our way."

"Well Rei we're getting a three-day weekend coming up next week you wanna try to do something next week?"

She gave Shinji a nervous look, one that hinted at her being guilty of something but whatever was occupying her mind quickly left, "Yes… that would be nice. Thank you again Shinji." She leaned forward and lightly kissed him on the lips, surprising him his eyes bulged open as his heart leapt in his chest. Should I hold her? Should I close my eyes, am I breathing too hard? Should I lean forward?

Shinji stood there his hands clenched lightly into fists, he leaned in forward just a little but just as he started to close his eyes Rei pulled away leaving his face buzzing with warmth, she gave him a sad look and then nervously asked. "Would you come inside? Just for a little bit?"

"I-I'm sorry Rei, but I really have to get going. I wish I could though."

"It is fine. I will see you at school." She turned around and lightly shut the door leaving Shinji standing there baffled, he lightly touched his own lips with his fingertips. "Where did she learn to kiss like that?" he asked. He looked over his shoulder and saw the tiny dot of the jeep and he swore he could hear Asuka still screaming over the terrified cries of his two friends.

A part of him did want to tell them to go on without him, to knock on Rei's door and stay with her but he had to get going home but then the thought of that other boy's shirt popped back into his head. What was he going to say about that, after that her warmth left his face and sinking his head low, he felt like he was punched in the chest. Holding a hand over his heart he shuffled back downstairs to the jeep, he silently climbed back in no one acknowledge him they were too busy screaming at each other.

Kaji gave him a silent sympathetic look in the rearview mirror but he didn't say anything, resting his chin on his palm Shinji leaned out of the jeep wondering what was Rei doing behind his back, and how could she do something that was hurting him so much.

"Goddamn it why'd I'd have to walk home?" Nathan grumbled as he ran through the puddles getting soaked to the bone his hair clinging to his scalp, running from building to building he saw one that had a rain cover over a wooden bench in the warm yellow glow of its storefront. Letting out a long sigh he ran a hand through his hair flinging water away, looking side to side regretting not riding home with the others he decided to sit and wait for the rain to stop.

Hanging his head between his knees he rubbed his shoulders trying to warm himself, you're the only one that can do this he thought to himself, you can't stand being around anyone for long so you just gotta learn to take care of yourself. Its just you and you alone, all alone. A shiver racked his body, he breathed into his hands and began to rub more vigorously but it still didn't work.

But there's one person you do like to be around isn't there, the one person whose presence you do enjoy even if you shy away from her at first right. The one person who seemed to truly care for you, the girl who's touched relaxed you when you were possibly dying in her arms. Rei… he closed his eyes and thought of her name, just the thought of her seemed to relax and warm him up.

The jingling of a bell roused him up snapping his attention to the door he saw a woman who looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties, she had short black hair with two thick bangs that framed her face the one on the right stopped halfway down her face. "Enjoying the weather much?" she asked letting out a little laugh.

"Oh, yeah so much. The cold breeze, rain soaking me to my socks and it being so dark I can barely see where I'm going. What's not to like?" he asked sarcastically tossing his hands up a little taking in a deep breath through his nose he caught an overwhelming smell that masked the scent of rain.

Looking over his shoulder he saw the small furnishing of a tea shop. Small wooden chairs and tables with a long bar with stools and shelves stocked with different flowers, herbs spices and other things in glass jars. The lady noticed his glance and giving a soft smile, "You know you shouldn't be walking around in weather like this you'll catch your death, why don't you come inside and warm up. at least until the rain stops."

"Haven't caught it yet besides, why are you doing this?" he asked puzzled, why would a stranger help someone they didn't even know?

"Well I wouldn't just feel right leaving some poor kid out in the cold and rain, so why don't you come in and warm up a little. Maybe have some tea wait you're not one of those kids that drink coffee instead of tea, right?"

"No can't stand coffee. But what I don't get is… why would you want to help a stranger out?"

"Maybe because I see a lonely kid out in the rain who looks like he could use some tea and could dry off, besides my name is Ms. Ainu."

"My names' Nathan."

"See we're not strangers anymore, so now I'd be helping out a friend. So, what do you say care to come in?"

"I guess I could spend a few minutes in there." He said giving a small smile, "Well come in then and I'll get you a towel."

The inside of the tea shop was warm and inviting, the air had the scent of lavender, a hint of citrus, honey and along with cinnamon and brown sugar coming off some fresh made cookies. The sound of the rain was dulled out by the slow mournful plucking of a stringed instrument that played over the speakers. It was accompanied by an old man slowly singing in a pained voice fighting back tears, he sung in Japanese so Nathan could only make out a few of the words.

Leaves from the vine… something about tiny shells and foam. Little soldier boy marching home. He wished he made more of an effort to learn Japanese maybe then he'd be able to understand the song better but even if he didn't get all the words, he still felt the emotion the singer wanted to give his listeners.

He felt the slight sting of his eyes and noticed that there were twin streams of warm water flowing slowly from them, touching them he realized that they were tears. At least I'm soaking wet, she won't notice that I've been crying… hopefully. He heard Ms. Ainu walking back down from the upper level of the building carrying a fresh bath towel and white robe in her hands.

"Here I just pulled them out of the dryer, so it'll warm you quicker now how do you feel about a nice cup of chai rooibos tea with some echinacea? And you can help yourself to the fresh cookies."

"That sounds great but where'd you get these from?"

"From upstairs where I live silly."

"Wait you live here?"

"It's all I need, I have my tea shop and I live upstairs. People don't need a lot to be happy Nathan, besides at least the rent's cheap and I love what I do. Who else can say that most days?" she gave him a soft smile. "Now for that tea, actually would you like to see the rest of the shop?"

He toweled his hair which left it sticking in curly clumps clinging to his skull, "Sure what else is there to see around here?"

She took him through the back where she worked the clean stainless-steel kitchen with electric tea kettles, mugs, plates, tea weights and packets of various teas. Everything was so clean and orderly it was relaxing there was even a small table in the corner where she made and mixed custom-made teas grinding the leaves and herbs fresh.

But then she brought him to her favorite part of the building, a small greenhouse that was filled to the brim with shelves of plants that were outgrowing their containers, sets of spray bottles and tiny pruners sat on a wooden table. The air was so fresh and clean, but it still had the strong dry smell of spice and the warm glow from the UV lights.

"So, you get all your ingredients from here?"

"Almost all of them yes, it's just so much better when you grow the ingredients yourself and it tastes so much better. Some days I just close shop and spend the day here, there's not a better feeling. I'd say this is the most relaxing spot on earth."

He could tell what she meant, something about this room just made him want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep, it was funny because in this room he swore that he didn't even hear the rain there could be an earthquake or a hurricane outside and he'd still probably not hear it. If that was the case, he may not want to even leave the greenhouse even if there was an angel attack.

"Let's go your tea should almost be done by now." She put her arm around his shoulder and lead him away from the greenhouse, he didn't even fight her he almost curled up next to her. What was it about this woman that made him relaxed, he wondered. They both sat together at a table in silence drinking the hot red tea from their mugs taking bits of her fresh cookies. "So how do you like them?"

"Oh, they're great everything's great here. Wish I knew about this place sooner, I've been ordering most of my tea online, but there's something special about this place. It's calming, in fact I feel more relaxed here than anywhere else."

"Well I'm glad that you're enjoying everything." She closed her eyes and gave him a smile, "Oh look the rains' finally stopped. I guess you should get going now before it starts up again."

"Yeah… I guess I should." But he didn't want to, "Thanks for the tea by the way Ms. Ainu."

"Wait here…" She walked off to the backroom and came with a vacuum sealed bag with dozens of tea bags inside, "Here some more rooibos since you enjoyed it so much… no charge."

"Are you sure?" he asked flushing just a bit as he took the bag in both hands it must have been at least two pounds or so of tightly packed bags.

"I'm sure Nathan." Hearing that a warm glow filled him, as he stood up and began to walk towards the door he turned around, "It wouldn't be a problem if I stopped by sometime would it?" he asked in a wavering voice, he was trembling slightly.

"No, no I'd like that." She said crossing her arms over chest, he gave her a small smile and said just one word. "Bye."

"Goodbye, Nathan." with a jingle of the bell he walked out of the store and walked on home. The streets were empty, only the plopping of water dripping into puddles could be heard but even though he was alone Nathan couldn't shake off the sensation that he was being followed or watched at least.

Every few steps in random intervals he'd look over his shoulder or into a store window to get a peak of his shadow but there was no one there, come to think of it ever since he arrived in Tokyo 3 there was that feeling of strange eyes following him, watching his every move. He decided to hurry up and get off the streets, away from whoever or whatever was following him.

In his studio apartment he stood in his kitchen the bag of tea torn open with packets spilling out on the counter, he standing in the middle of the room watching the water boil the bubbles building up in size as they swam to the top popping sending tiny droplets flying. What is this feeling in my chest, why did I feel so calm around Ms. Ainu maybe it had something to do with her eyes. They just looked so hurt and lonely, is that why she asked me to come in so she wouldn't be lonely?

But there was something else about her, it feels like she was giving me something that I never had before. Not finding an answer he got on with making his tea sitting at his desk less than two feet away from the TV that was destined to play for eternity. Without realizing it he robotically ripped a piece of paper out of his notebook grabbing a pen he began to write a second poem, this one didn't have a title either, but it didn't matter because he knew who it was for.

I wonder sometimes

If I should say

Something

What could unfold

From a single

Word

But then I

Think

I think of

a possible life

one that we

share

I imagine

Every moment

We could share

Every laugh

Every kiss

Every smile

Every embrace

Every moment of ecstasy

Under the moon

And every moment

I'm with you

But I also

Think

Of every way

It could

End

So I'll hold my

Tongue

I'll bury my

Thoughts

And I'll continue

This life the way

It began

Alone

Sticking a piece of tape to it he walked over by his bed and stuck it to the wall, his phone started to ring picking it up he saw that it was Shinji calling him, a lump fought its way up his throat any sense of calmness he had left him and his mouth dried up instantly, clicking the answer button he held it near his ear. "Uh- hey Shinji I saw you were calling me… what's up."

"Hey Nathan." His voice sounded timid and shaky, "You know that favor you promised me a while back? The one where you said you'd help me on my next date with Rei? It looks like I'm gonna have to cash in that favor soon heh-heh." Even though those words should have had some amount of excitement in them when they came out, they nervous and janky.

"So, you guys are still dating huh? That's nice. But yeah, no problem, you know me happy to help right?"

Shinji gave a pause, "Yeah… listen I've gotta go. If I don't get to making Asuka she'll start yelling and tossing stuff around." And true to his word Asuka's angry shouts could be heard clear on the other side. "Hey why are you busy making me dinner Shinji?! Get off the phone and get in the verdammt kitchen!"

He sighed heavily, "There she goes so see ya in school I guess." He clicked off before Nathan could answer back, "Yeah see ya." He said to the silent phone.

Just as he was about to sit his phone down it started to ring again, his chest tightened when he saw that it was Rei this time calling him. "Rei uh- hi." He didn't realize but he had a small smile on his face.

"Hello Nathan, I hope it's not too late for me to call you."

"Don't worry about it, I usually don't go to sleep until later. Sooooo, why are you calling me?"

"I- I- I wanted to hear the rest of the poem you wrote. You said that you knew how it ended but you would never write it down. Can you tell me please?"

Rei stood in the middle of her room looking at the floor wondering which girl he could be referring too, the second had red hair and she had red eyes, she remembered how he had once told her that he liked them and that they were… beautiful. But the second had red hair the only difference was everyone seemed to like her, and everybody noticed her. She stood quietly hoping that she would like what he was going to tell her.

"You're sure you want to hear how it ends?"

"I didn't get to hear it at school, but I do wish to hear how it ends."

Pacing back and forth Nathan ran his hand through his semi-damp hair he was trying to get his breathing under control, letting out a shaky breath he calmed himself down, he closed his eyes and began to recite his poem to her he didn't have any trouble until he got to the last few lines.

Gulping he wet his lips and finished it for her, "Your red eyes, make me glad… to be alive."

Rei made a small noise he couldn't tell what it was, but it sounded like she was caught off guard or something. "Do you mean that?" she asked.

"What?"

"Do you mean what you said?"

He took a moment, pausing… did he really like her yes, he did. But how much did he? "Do I make you happy to be alive?"

He stopped pacing, he stood by his bed and stared at the poem that hung by his bed it basked in the low orange glow of his salt lamp. A single word he thought, one single word, one stupid single word. That's all that it could take he thought but how's this gonna end he thought?

In a single instant he saw the two of them walking through school, NERV HQ, Tokyo 3 hand in hand smiling.

He saw them laying together under a tree in the park under a sky littered with stars, he saw her basking in the moon light in a bed that they shared. He saw them sitting together at the end of a dock soaking their legs in the water a small wooden cabin sat behind them, somewhere hidden out there in the fog out on the lake a single mournful loon wailed. It wailed again calling out to its partner and eventually a second one called out to it.

His chest and stomach tightened, his shoulders felt relaxed.

He saw her standing in a child's room, standing over a crib watching a sleeping child their child, she looked up at him, her weary eyes had bags under them, but she was smiling as she lazily tugged the child in.

But then the bad ones came. He saw her leaving him underneath a park bench he was crying, and she was walking away with another guy, she telling him that she didn't actually love him. The two of them just drifting apart one day waking up next to each other and realizing that they just didn't have any real feelings for the other.

But then the worst ones came, one where his bloody broken body was taken out of the plug his lifeless eyes staring at the sky, his hair matted with blood sticking up in different directions. Rei running over to him screaming and crying his name as she fought Misato and Shinji off, wrestling away from their grips. Collapsing near him picking him up shaking him over and over, taking his head and burying it in her chest pleading for him to come back to her. To not leave her, crying in his hair as his blood painted her porcelain face.

The last one was him dressed in all black he was still roughly the same age as he was now. The sky was the color of charcoal. He walked over to a headstone, a bouquet of flowers in his hand as he wiped his face with his free hand. When he found the one, he wanted he stopped in his tacks, placed the flowers down at the base of the headstone, he reached into his pocket taking something out.

It was a ring, an engagement ring. A ring that would never be worn, he placed it on top of the stone and simply said, "I wish I'd have told you sooner Rei. I wish we had more time together." With that he walked away to the rest of the group. Misato, Shinji, Asuka who told him that it was time to move on, he'd meet someone else eventually. He'd find someone else to love, but that wasn't true there was only one person out there for him.

Rei… one word… Rei… one word… Rei… one word… Rei… one word. What could happen? Maybe he just needed to take a leap of faith he thought, he licked his lips swallowed and said "Yes."

He woke up sometime during the night, he wished he had an alarm clock maybe then he could tell what time it was, he heard someone softly singing to him, he had fallen asleep with his MP3 again, did that happened he thought. Did I tell Rei how I feel? He pulled his knees to his chest and listened quietly, Sorority noise's smoke played softly in his ears.

Because you are a ghost

I won't hold your hand

Because you'll disappear

Sleep next to me

Tell me everything is how it should be

He zoned out for a second until the nearly last line was sung

Just know I'll never leave

Did I tell her or was it all a dream? He heard a knocking at his door, who could that be he asked himself taking out his ear buds, wearing only shorts and a plain white sleeping shirt he walked to the peephole and saw Rei standing on the other side wearing a women's rain overcoat. She stood on the other side nervously shifting her weight, shaking from the cold.

Throwing off the latches he opened up, "Rei? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I just had to come over, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said and your poem. I just had to see you."

"Why?" but before he could get a straight answer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for an intense kiss, his heart felt like it was going to break through his bones. "Stop thinking, you do that too much." She whispered as she forced her way in slamming the door shut behind her.

She pushed him over to his futon couch, when they got there, she shoved him down onto it, "What are you doing Rei?" he asked his breathing becoming heavy and fast. She straddled him and kissed him again longer deeper like she was sucking the air out of his lungs, "Something we've both been wanting to do for a long time." She whispered breathy. She undid her coat's belt to reveal that she was only wearing a white bra and pair of panties.

He sat there breathless at what she was doing, she gave him a devilish smile as her arms went behind her back and the audible clicking of a clasp was heard and just as her bra slipped past her shoulders he woke up.

Covered in sweat Nathan shot up looking side to side, she wasn't here. She was never here, it was all a dream, but his chest was still throbbing but there was something else a hot sticky sensation under his sheets. He lifted them up disgusted to see that they were stuck to his shorts, "Damn it." He muttered as he realized what had happened. He had a wet dream, deciding not to waste time he stripped his bed sheets and began to clean up. After a shower and getting his mattress ready to dry he grabbed a fresh blanket and his pillows and dismantled his couch.

He took a moment to smell the mattress and like he suspected it didn't smell like her or him, he closed his eyes and went to sleep wondering what really happened before he went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6 her second worst day

Asuka woke with a start sitting upright in her bed she hugged her stomach, it was barely noticeable earlier but now it felt like her guts were wrapping and constricting themselves on one another. She wanted to vomit but she wasn't able too, chances are that would have intensified the pain. "Stupid Shinji, he probably gave me food poisoning." She muttered as she punched the floor, now to think of it her head killed as well.

"Uh- Hey Asuka." Speaking of idiots.

"What is it Shinji?!" she growled out trying and probably failing to mask the pain she was in. "Breakfast is ready so I think you should try and eat fast so we're not late for school."

"I'm not going today, I feel too sick. Just leave me here and leave me alone."

"But Asuka we have that reading test today remember! And its worth like fifteen percent of our grade or something. If you don't come in Old sensei probably gonna think you're just faking it."

He had a point she thought, why the hell am I even going to school with all the other kids? I'm a college graduate for scheibe's sake, I'm just wasting my time there, but Misato already knows about test she'd probably make me go anyways. "Fine I'm coming, I'm coming. Just get me a glass of juice or something I don't feel like eating."

Asuka had to rush her morning routine something that she loathed she furiously brushed her teeth in the shower, washed and conditioned her hair and applied her beauty products. By the time she was dressed and ready to go she barely had enough time to take two pain relievers and slam her fruit juice drink before she had to run after Shinji, ignoring the stabbing pains in her stomach. She hoped with the rain from the previous few nights that they'd all be excused from gym classes but knowing her luck that wasn't gonna happen.

Shinji and her ran through the crowds of adults walking off to work, their foot falls splashing puddles all around them angry adults cursing them out and waving their fists in the air, Shinji always turned to pauses and immediately apologized to them. Asuka would just grab him by the collar and pull him along calling him stupid for daring to pause and make them late.

By the time they got to school they were both out of breath and soaked to the bone, not bothering to grab their raincoats was a mistake especially since their uniforms called for white shirts, but instead of embarrassment or a feeling of nervousness. Asuka's body was racked with anger, just waiting to catch the eyes of a boy who was trying to get a good long glance at her wet clothes.

Damn pervy Kensuke, she thought as she walked past a group of boys who were trying and completely failing at acting like they weren't looking at her with mouths gaping open. "What are you two looking at?! Close your verdammt mouths you perverts I can smell your stinking breath from here!"

"Calm down Asuka." Shinji piped up like a mouse behind her.

"Oh, shut it Shinji you're not the one having people constantly undress you with their eyes who would want to see the emaciated gross thing that is your naked body anyways."

"Okay I see you're in a mood right now so I'm just gonna let you cool off, I'll see you in class."

He turned to walk away she watched him leave, brushing the hair out of her eyes she walked off to the drinking fountains and took another two pain pills but like the two earlier they didn't do squat. In fact it felt like they were just aggravating whatever was wrong with her body.

"Asuka something wrong?" looking over her shoulder she saw Hikari standing with her arms crossed over her chest her bento box and bookbag clutched in both hands by the handles. "It's my stomach, I think I have cramps or something Hikari, I don't even want to be here but we have that stupid test that stupid old sensei had to give us."

"You shouldn't bad mouth the old sensei." Hikari scolded, funny enough if it had been anyone else Asuka would have torn them a new one, but maybe it was the pain that she was in that declawed her. "But yeah, it is really stupid how much of the grade this damn stupid fucking test is worth." For the last half of her sentence she sounded so unsure of herself and stumbled over her own words, Asuka wondered.

"Hikari have you ever cursed before now?"

"Um- no. Is it that obvious?" she asked timidly.

"Just don't do it anymore is all I'm saying, you're not the best at it"

With that the bell rung, "We should get going to home room, otherwise we'll be tardy and that'll just make a bad day worse. Let's go I'll tell old sensei I was walking you from the nurse."

Asuka let out a little gasp, she'd lie… for me. Hikari never lies, in fact she's probably the most honest person I've ever known, Hikari wrapped her arm around Asuka's shoulder and the two friends slowly walked to class for roll call. But just as the entered and old sensei acknowledge their presence, he dropped a bombshell.

"I've gotten calls from parents that some students are expected late due to the poor weather conditions so we are moving the test until later… those of you here may want to use this time wisely to either reread Kafka's metamorphosis or-" he gave a slight tired glare to Toji who looked side to side asking both Shinji and Nathan, "Is he looking at me? I feel like he's looking at me." But where was the pervy glasses idiot thought Asuka as she sat down cradling her stomach.

"Or you may want to use this time to pray for a miracle, because there of you out there that will be needing it."

Asuka looked around the room seeing the few dozen or so nervous shifters, some sat quietly but you could tell that they were internally screaming, others tore open book bags looking for their copy or notes and other just clutched their heads and hoped to fall dead at their desks.

But then there were the two odd balls, sitting off beside a cool collected Shinji who was skimming through his notes while Toji frantically pleaded with him to let him cheat off him no doubt was Nathan. Ear buds in calmly reading a plain vanilla colored book with a few lines of blueprint that stood out, "The trouble with being born" reading books like that, no wonder he is the way he is Asuka thought.

But why isn't he freaking out like the rest of the kids, looking beside her even Hikari decided to get in one last cram secession in. How can he be so cool right now, but then there was the first who seemed to be staring at him from her desk by the window that was getting pelted with fat raindrops. Or was she staring at Shinji, Asuka narrowed her eyes and followed the first's eyeline and sure enough it went past her beau and landed right on the most emo kid in the world.

WOW, I guess she has a thing for pathetic sad boys, she smiled smugly.

She was fiddling with her fingers and no it couldn't be… she was blushing she was blushing just looking at the boy who was buried in a book that was probably just telling him how much existence was pain or something and oh how better it would have been to never been born. Her lips were parted just a bit like someone nervously expecting their first kiss, dirty, dirty girl I know your secret Asuka thought to herself.

At that moment the first must've felt her eyes on her because she looked at Asuka's direction for a split second, but before the two of them could make eye contact Asuka glanced away.

"Okay that's enough now."

The class let out a collective groan, "Now, now we aren't going to have the test yet, we'll do that after your next class just before lunch." But what class was that going to be Asuka wondered, just then the universe gave its reply… the bell rung.

And the universe in all of its brilliance decided that no the kids would not be excused from gym class but they would instead use the two indoor gymnasiums, the boys would play basketball while the girls would instead play dodge ball. Of course, it'd be dodge ball Asuka thought the one sport that was bound to send her to the hospital.

In the changing rooms Asuka noticed the first standing in the empty corner of the locker rooms carefully removing her school attire and changing into her gym uniform, what was it about her that made Shinji like her and that other pilot… Nathan what did she have.

Wait was she jealous of the first? Just the thought of it made her sicker to her stomach, all she had was every loser in school chasing after her with their tongues halfway out of their skulls what was it about her that kept the two boys from going total gaga over her, she wondered.

Pulling on her shirt she followed Hikari out of the gym, the girls covering up their chests and pulling down their shirts as they walked by the boys, the only two that didn't seem to ogle them were Shinji and Nathan.

Then again Shinji was already spoken for, but why Nathan pretty much just gave the whole group one look and then returned his attention to his friend, his arms crossed over his chest he was leaning slightly to the right at a downward angle. The two of them talking about something that she'd never hear, but whatever it was it was making Shinji rub the back of his neck nervously and use a lot of hand gestures.

"Alright ladies you know the rules divide into two even teams and once you get hit, you're out." The gym teacher muttered lazily from his chair and magazine. In true fashion Asuka made sure that her and Hikari were on the same team, the first being the last to join a team shuffled over to the opposite team.

Leaning against the wall under the basketball hoop she stared at the ground with a blank face her arms behind her back. What could she be thinking about? With a half assed blow of his whistle the coach sent the two teams running at each other, how a dodge game with only eight or ten players each could be exciting was anyone's guess but to the girls enjoyed it for the moment save the two pilots one battling her own body and the other lost in thought.

Asuka tried her best to dodge and weave at the weak thrown balls, never letting her eyes drift off the first for very long. Gripping the basketball sized red rubber ball a thought crossed Asuka's mind. She saw the first calmly standing there still against the wall, occasionally one would bounce near her head or chest and she would just calmly sidestep away from it.

Her grip on it tightened making it bulge out, she got a light running start then before she could cross the line, she leaned back twisting her arm and torso throwing her leg over and tightening her stomach. She used every ounce of strength she ever had or could ever have had and channeled it into this one throw that would send this fire ball straight into the first's stupid doll face.

But just as her body finished twisting and she released her projectile the pain in her stomach intensified by a thousand percent she had a shooting pain that shot up from her inner thighs into her throat it felt like she was being ripped in half like a wishbone then the air was knocked out of her guts as two ball slammed into her torso. Then another hit her square in the check leaving a burning hot red scrape on her face knocking her down to the ground leaving her seeing stars.

The last thing she saw before she squeezed her eyes shut to stop any tears was the first unenthusiastically catching the lightly flung ball at her chest with both hands, she held it for a second before rolling it away from her. "Asuka you're out." The coach said flatly not bothering to check up on her.

She lay there groaning in pain for a second before Hikari sat beside her, "Asuka what's wrong."

"I just got the wind knocked out me and now my stomach hurts worse than ever." She choked out. "Do you want me to get the nurse"

"No! just… let me go the locker rooms. I'll be okay… I just need to breath and sit down." Hikari obliged her friend, and Asuka walked away her head hanging low as she cradled her stomach, just below her bellybutton. She made sure to shot the first a dirty glance as she passed by, but chances are, she didn't even notice.

Just as she made it past the locker door though that stabbing tearing sensation happened again her legs trembled, and she nearly fell down because of the pain and then a feeling of hot wetness. "Oh no…"

Asuka ran to the bathrooms finding the stall that was the furthest away from the lockers, she flung the door open and slammed it shut, the stall rattled as she looked it. It gave her the impression that at any second it would just all fall down around her, leaving her and her dirty secret exposed.

"Verdammt it." She muttered as she looked at her mess covering her eyes, around her sneakers in a messy clump were her gym shorts and pink panties, her underwear stained red. "I can't believe I had my stupid period now… here… why here?" she choked out.

She looked for tissue or toilet paper something anything but there was nothing. Of course, she had to hide in the one stall that was empty, that was nothing but her shirt to wipe away her tears and there was nothing to use to hide her mess. She thought about quickly switching stalls but the thought of being scene walking into a stall with period blood on the inside of her legs mortified her. I'll just stay here, she thought. I'll stay here until everyone's gone then I'll just go home.

I never should have come here today, she thought. The door thudded against the wall squeaking on its hinges, the excited laughter of the girls echoed in the locker rooms Asuka quickly pulled her shorts up sitting cross legged on the toilet she decided to wait until everyone had left.

Maybe then she'd just go on home, she'd doubt Misato would be home even then if she was calling her, asking her to bring her a change of clothes and the risk of having her tell Shinji what happened accidentally was just too much of a risk to take. "Hey Meumi, have you've seen Asuka anywhere?"

"Not since she walked out, maybe she went down to the nurse's?"

Hikari went down the line asking the other girls except for Rei about Asuka's possible whereabouts but no one had a clue, and hopefully she wouldn't find one. Asuka didn't even dare breathe she just say quietly her knees pressing tightly against her face, she just closed her eyes and wished for it all to end.

One by one the girls filed out each one voicing their complaints about Toji's creepy eyes and the language test asking questions about it or what the other's thoughts of it were and soon enough all the voices finally left, and it was quiet she was alone. She put her legs back down and began ripping sheets of toilet paper rattling the roll in the loose plastic holder.

Scrapping her hand on its sharp edges she drew blood, "Verdammt noch mal!" she cried out clutching her hand squeezing it until it became pale cutting off blood flow but forcing out any blood that became trapped. She felt tears leaving her eyes this time she didn't even bother fighting them back, "Why did this have to happen? Why do I have to bleed? All because I was born a girl? It's not fair! I don't even want to have stupid kids."

Just then a tiny voice quipped up, "Is that you second?"

Asuka let out a sharp gasp, it was the first! She heard everything, she heard everything she said, the soft click of her shoes made it clear that she was walking over to her stall. She was gonna see, she was gonna see what she did, and she was gonna tell! She was gonna tell them all and everyone would laugh at her! Damn her, damn the first!

"Is something wrong?"

Her voice, it was… full of genuine concern and worry. Her white shoes stopped outside of her stall and Asuka hid her legs and accident again. "It's none of your concern just leave me alone!"

"If you tell me what's wrong perhaps then I can help." Asuka let out a long groan she couldn't believe she was going to actually do this. "Fine then if you must know I had my stupid period and now my shorts and underwear are ruined. And I have nothing to change into, god why did this ever have to happen to me? I never asked for any of this."

The first walked away but she silently called out, "Did you get any blood on your legs? And what was the cry for?"

Asuka looked at her hand, it looked worse than it was but still she had a series of scraps on the top and side of her hand. "I cut my stupid hand on the toilet roll holder and yes I got blood on the inside of my thighs…" her voice teetered off into a high pitch whine, clutching her head she buried the heels of her hands into her eyes. How could this day get any worse?

"Here."

Asuka removed her hands from her eyes and looked down underneath the stall door was the arm of the fist ending at the elbow she held out a hand full of wipes, bandages, tampons and pads. "What's this?" she asked.

"It's for you, to remedy your problem."

Asuka leaned over quickly and snatched the bundle from her hand almost slapping the first's hand, "Thanks." She said gruffly, taking a look at the bundle she saw that the first had given her several different brands and types of each tampon and pad. "Why are you doing this for me?"

The first took a pause, "Because it is our duty to watch, protect and help one another. Regardless of how we may personally feel about each other. You were in trouble, it was my duty to help you. And I wanted to help you as well…"

"You wanted to help me?"

"Yes, because you are important to Shinji so therefore you are important to me. I will do what I can to help you when you need it."

I'm important to Shinji? She wants to help me? Asuka almost couldn't believe the words coming out of the strange albino girl.

"I will go now and leave you to tend to yourself in privacy, goodbye." She turned to walk away her shoes clicking as she left. "Wait, why do you have so much of these things with you? Your not on your period, too are you?"

A small nervous worried noise left the first's mouth, "I-I- no. I am not on my period, but I carry them in case… in case I ever do get it."

"Wait you've never had yours?"

"No… I've never had mine, sometimes I think I never will have it but carrying those things with me… just in case puts me at ease."

She's never had her period, but she's already started to grow her breasts, Asuka's mind couldn't wrap around how that was possible, she would have laughed at her but the way she sounded, the pain and the hurt, how nervous she was almost seemed to soften Asuka.

"I-I'm sure you'll get yours soon, but just between us women… you're not missing out on anything special."

"Thank you for your kind words… I will see you soon bye."

Her locker rattled shut and just as the squeaky door opened before she left Asuka called out to her again. "Hey… thanks again… Rei."

"You're welcome… Asuka." Both girls became frozen in place, the feeling of the other's name on their tongue felt alien but hearing the other call them by their own name felt relaxing. Rei left silently and once Asuka felt comfortable she got to tending to her accident and her cut hand, when she felt ready and relaxed she made her way to class, wondering what was going to change between her and the first- no what was going to change between her and Rei.

"Pencils down… okay children after I collect your tests you may leave for lunch." Old sensei walked around slowly collecting the student's test over Kafka's metamorphosis, as soon as he picked up the last paper, Toji's whose pencil made frantic scratches trying to finish the test the students groaned slowly sauntering out to the café.

For once all the boys left together, with Nathan shuffling behind them when he reached the door, he paused turning around he saw Rei still sitting at her desk staring out the window. It looked like she had something heavy on her mind, she was resting her chin on her right hand, but she had her left hand pressed against her stomach. It looked like she was occasionally applying pressure to it as if she were trying to feel something.

"Excuse me Nathan." Shinji tiptoed around him, "Hey Rei… you wanna come eat with the rest of us? Asuka and Hikari would be joining us too."

"That sounds nice thank you." She carefully scooted her chair back and pushed it back in, before the couple turned around began to walk towards the door, they managed to catch a second's glimpse of the boy in black leaving. "Hey how's it coming along finding him his tea?"

"I haven't had a chance to buy it yet, but I will later today, there happens to be a place that sells tea nearby where I live."

"Sounds good to me Rei, now what do you say we go get some lunch?"


	7. Chapter 7 comforting one another

Rei stood outside of the small tea shop, the one that had the small wooden furniture and side building that had a white glow of light with dozens of plants in it, looking above her head she saw the clouds were still grey. It hadn't rained for a while, but the sky hadn't cleared up either. Figuring she'd better hurry up while she had the chance to beat the rain, she walked in the little bell jingled and she was greeted by the scents of cinnamon, honey and fresh flowers.

"Hello?" she called out in a small voice, "Just a minute please." The woman's voice called out from the back, Rei stood politely with her arms crossed by the door waiting for the shopkeeper to come to the front. She could hear a sink going along with the clatter and brushing of dishes when the sink squeaked off it took the lady a few second to walk up to the front drying her hands off with a dish towel.

"Hi, you're the second junior high student I've had come this week are all of you guys finally getting over this coffee fad?"

"I don't know, I've never drunken coffee before. And I don't really talk to other children my age."

"Oh, well trust me dearie you aren't missing much. Now how can I help you?"

Rei stepped forward and got a closer look at the woman, she had small dark circles under her eyes and two thick bangs one on either side of her head. "I was looking to buy some tea for a friend of mine, he enjoys tea, but I would like some that could help him."

"You don't mind me asking what's wrong with him, do you? It'll help us find the right tea for him."

Rei looked at the ground for a moment she wanted to help him, but she didn't feel totally comfortable talking about what was wrong with him with a stranger, but she wanted him to feel better to be better, she just wanted him to smile.

"His heart… it's in pain. I feel as if he is often sad and lonely. I just would like him to feel relaxed and at ease with himself, to be happy. I think he finds being alive painful… he just sees a bleak future."

Rei's red eyes shimmered in the light and the nice tea lady walked up to her and gave her a hug bringing her tight to her Rei felt the warmth of her body as she whispered into her ear, "Don't worry honey I'm sure someday he'll feel better and the fact that he has someone like you in his life will make him happier sooner."

"Thank you for those kind words."

She broke off the hug holding both of Rei's hands in her own she gave the girl a smile, "Now what do you say I take you to the green house and we make your boyfriend the best tea he's ever had?"

"Okay, but he's… not my boyfriend. He's just a boy who I-."

"You what?"

"I just care deeply for him but I'm not sure of all the feelings I have for him."

"Well regardless of the situation the two of you find yourselves in I'm certain he's happy to have you in his life."

"So how many pounds are you thinking about buying."

Rei brought her finger to her chin and thought for a while from what Shinji had told her he has tons of teas in his pantry but he often drinks massive quantities of it at a time, so she had to make sure she got plenty of it for him to make a lot of it. But she also wanted him to get better sooner maybe the more tea she got him the quicker he'd feel better.

"Maybe… ten pounds?"

The lady's eyes went wide for a second, was ten too much?

"Okay then I say we get started picking the ingredients now to start off I'm thinking of a green tea base with lavender, chamomile and lavender."

After Rei paid the woman, this probably marked the first time ever she used the credit card she had been given, she made her way over to Nathan's clutching the large brown paper bag with both hands like one might carry a baby. Staring down at it she felt a small smile grow on her face I hope he enjoys it she thought, continuing to walk she came to his complex and it looked as empty as hers.

I wonder if he's the only one that lives here, like I do at mine.

As she neared the front empty front parking lot, she saw that it was littered with trash and pot holes that were slowly filling with water, the only sign of life was the boy in black riding around on his bike weaving through the piles of rock leaning side to side scraping the tire on the concrete.

He must have seen her because next thing she knew he coasted to her braking a few feet away from her popping the kick stand he got off his bike, "Rei… what're you doing here?"

"Oh…uh I was… I just wanted to give you this. It's tea, I know how much you like it and I had it specially made for you, to make you feel happier."

His mouth opened slightly, and his eyes softened as he stared at the massive bag Rei was now offering him, taking it in both hands he looked her in the eyes, "Thanks Rei… this means a lot to me."

"I'm glad you enjoy it, hopefully it will make you feel better. Farewell now."

She turned to leave but then he called out to her, "Rei wait." He stumbled after her his hand landing on her shoulder as soon as it made contact, he pulled it away Rei felt the cold of his hand through her shirt, but she didn't care to her it was as hot as the sun. Turning around she looked him in the eye.

"You want to stay and do something?"

"Like what?"

"Anything you'd like to do is fine by me."

"Well I've never ridden a bike before, I think I'd like to learn."

"If that's what you want, hop on."

He patted the seat, setting the bag aside he reset the kickstand and held it steady for her as she awkwardly tried to throw her leg over the side. Her eyes went wide as she wobbled side to side, she placed on hand firmly on the handlebar and the other on Nathan's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind though he just gripped the other handlebar and the seat getting her steady again.

"Don't worry I've got you, I won't let you fall." He whispered to her. She followed his instructions and placed her feet on the pedals she let the pedals carry her feet in its circular motion getting used to the movement before she felt confident enough in herself to start pedaling for herself.

"Alright just keep pedaling and keep the wheel straight, relax… see you're doing fine." His compliments made her more relaxed and confident in her abilities. Slowly he'd ease back letting her lead him, jogging lightly next to her keeping her back steady and helping her maneuver when he had to she began pedaling faster and faster a wide smile grew on her face as she felt the cool air rush past her face making her hair flutter tickling her ears.

Soon she felt an alien sensation, her chest warmed and tightened, and a smile grew on her face and as her mouth opened her shoulders began to bounce up and down. Her eyes closed as she felt the sensation of joy bouncing up and down within her heart, and before she knew it she was laughing.

It was a sound that she had never heard before it was akin to a high pitched che or heeing, her whole body was racked by the sensation she felt warm, safe and happy. She never wanted this feeling to end she wished this moment could last forever is this was flying feels like she wondered as the wind blew on her face. "Rei you're doing it!"

Her eyes opened as she turned her chest to look behind her to see Nathan standing triumphantly in the growing distance his arms above his head and a smile on his face, he's smiling at me, her chest swelled but then his face turn to panic. "Rei turn around swerve, swerve, swerve!"

By the time her head turned around it was too late, she slammed into a light pole and flew over the handlebars the bike launched in the air she had almost a minute of air before she stuck out her hand out and landed on the concrete. She bounced off the ground rolling as she did scraping her right hand, her left wrist and elbow. Her right shoulder, both of her knees along with her chin. Tiny fragments of asphalt becoming embedded in her wounds, her bruised ribs and hips were already starting to turn a dark shade of purple.

Just as she stopped the bike landed on her back the left handlebar struck her square in the back of the head slamming her face straight into the concrete scraping a patch of skin above her left eye. She began wheezing from being winded, she weakly struggled to get the bike off her, but she hurt too much. "Rei! Rei! Rei!" Nathan ran after her, his shoes slamming on the ground before skidding out from under him making him fall face first on the ground near her, scraping his chin as well but he didn't even register it.

He got up in a flash, gripping the bike he threw it off her clattering as the chain broke off, both tires and spokes bents and broke the front wheel popped out of alignment. He got on his knees picking her up he held her near his chest, his eyes shimmering. "I'm sorry Rei, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have let you go!"

She winced in pain as he cradled her, but she relaxed once she heard him trying to repress his tears and she heard his heartbeat, it was loud and fast she could feel the vibrations it sent out with each thump through her ear. "It's okay… I am fine, but how is your bike? I'm sorry if I broke it."

"Forget the stupid bike Rei, I don't care about the bike I'm worried about you!"

"Worried about… me?"

"C'mon we need to get you patched up." he grunted as he hooked his arms under her legs and back, "Here grab my shoulders it'll make it easier." She did as he instructed but just as he started to make his way to his apartment she said timidly, "Wait the tea."

"Huh?"

"We need to get your tea before the rain ruins it."

"Rei now's not the time."

"If you do not walk over there, I will walk over there myself to get it for you."

"Fine Rei, whatever you wish for." He walked back over to the spot where Rei had set down her things, he allowed her to pick them up and hold them in her lap as he pressed on walking into the building taking the elevator, he held her even tighter to his chest. The whole time she stared at his face watching his chin drip blood and his eyes stare forward racked with guilt.

How can I have this effect on him, does seeing me in pain on make him hurt even worse? "Don't worry Rei we're almost there." He said as the elevator dinged and he slowly wobbled out, making it to his door he sat her down against the wall before flinging his door open carrying her through the threshold before kicking it shut behind them.

He sat her down on the couch and immediately began running all over his apartment, he gave her ice to put on her sides, he rushed around and found a small key she leaned forward on the couch to see him opening a cabinet in his bathroom. He took out a few bottles, a plastic box and two bags of cotton balls and Q-tips. But why did he have a toaster and cable under there as well?

Shutting it and re locking it he grabbed a trash can and sat back down in front of her, taking out a pair of tweezers he slid his hand up the back of her left calf, shaking nervously as he did. She shuddered a bit at his touch, but it felt nice, lifting it up a bit he began to carefully pick out the pieces of asphalt stuck in her skin. He nicked her once or twice with the ends of it making her wince slightly, "Sorry… I'll try to be more careful."

After he had taken all the pieces out, he grabbed the bottle of rubbing alcohol squirting it on to a cotton ball he held her left leg and began rubbing it in small counterclockwise circles, Rei's face scrunched up a little, he this and stopped. "What is it Rei?"

"Nothing… it just stings and hurts a little. That's all."

He gave her a slight nod and got back to cleaning this time putting the most minimal amount of pressure as he could and when he was done he took it away and move his face closer pursing his lips he gave it a light blow, taking away the stinging sensation.

Rei let out a silent gasp as the pain disappeared, he's trying his best to take away my pain. When Dr. Akagi fixes my wounds she's never as gentle as him, she doesn't care if I were to hurt. Sometimes it seems she is less gentle on purpose.

As he cleaned the rest of the wounds he was just as gentle carefully and tentatively holding her as he brought it closer to himself. As he cleaned it, he would look back at her and ask how she was and if she felt any pain, then he repeated the process with a dropper of iodine, finally to finish off he applied a antibacterial pain-reliever cream adding a band aid on each spot. "Okay last one."

He brushed the hair that clumped over her left eye past her ear, only the tips of his fingers making contact with her skin. They both stared into each other's eyes as he applied a bit of the cream over her eye before placing a band aid on it, pulling his hands away he gave her a smile. "I'm so sorry Rei, I'll never let you get hurt again under my watch." He looked down at his hands.

Rei moved forward lifting his chin up, he shrunk back a bit. "What're you doing Rei?"

"You healed me, now it is time for me to heal your wound." She followed the same procedure as he did only, he didn't wince at the pain, but she still leaned close and blew lightly on his cut and after she had placed the band aid on his chin her fingers traced the outline of his jaw before landing in her lap. The two of them looked into the other's eyes, then she stood up. "I should go now, enjoy your tea."

As she walked past the kitchen, he called out to her, "Rei wait…"

She turned around to see him grab an orange box out of the pantry, "I got a box of spicy curry, it being late and all… do you want to stay for some dinner?"

"Are you asking me to stay for a meal? One where we both eat… together?"

"Of course, what else would it be then?"

She felt her eyes slightly mist, "I would wish for that then."

He smiled back softly, the corners of his lips moving slightly up "Then as you wish." She sat back down on the couch as he got to work getting the food ready, she shuddered a bit and rubbed her shoulders, he keeps it awfully cold in his room she thought. Seeing her uncomfortable he went to his closet and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, "Here this'll warm you up."

"Thank you." She said smiling at him. "Do you mind if we have some of your tea? I think it would warm us up, and I would like to see if you look it or not."

"Yeah, no problem Rei, as you wish." He got to making the tea, flying back and forth getting everything ready and when he was done, he gave her a cup of her own and sat next to her taking in the smells of it before he drank from it.

"So, is it… any good?" She asked hopeful.

"Yeah Rei, it's really good, thank you, this means a lot."

"Do you feel better?"

"I feel a little better I guess, but that might not just be the tea."

"What then?"

"I guess I just feel better when I'm with you."

He turned to face her and she let out a small sigh and smile but before she could say something the microwave dinged, when he portioned it out she noticed that he let her have the bowl that was the most filled while taking the half-filled one for himself, and when he handed it to her he held it from the hot bottom offering her the cooler sides.

They ate side by side in silence, Rei couldn't help but smile throughout the entire meal maybe there was one way it could be better, "May we listen you your music?"

"Anything you wish for Rei.", he walked over to his player and grabbed a small speaker sitting it on the table he lite a small candle the air began to smell like vanilla and gingerbread. The room was filled with the ambient sounds of rain and the crackle of an old radio, a slow base beat started to play along slow high-pitched piano notes. The music was relaxing to Rei she scooted closer to him, happy to see he didn't shy away.

"What music is this, there's no lyrics."

White letter glowed on the blue screen of the player they read L'atune's Midnight is calling. "It's something call Lo-fi, you like it?"

"I like listening to music with you, I don't care what it is but yes it's nice and relaxing."

"I'm glad you like it then." He saw that she had set the food away from her, half of it was gone. "Guess you liked the food huh?"

"Shinji is a better cook but eating with someone else seems to make things taste better."

"Yeah, I'm not much of a cook sorry. Maybe I should ask him for a lesson sometime."

She shivered a bit, "Still cold? I think the heater's broken, I wish there was something I could do."

She brought her hands together looking down, "Maybe we could share the blanket? Our body heat would warm the two of us quickly. And it would be nice to be close to you."

A twinge of nervousness crept on his face, maybe he was uneasy with what she asked him to do? "Is that what you want Rei?"

"Yes, I wish you would do that, only if you are comfortable with it though."

He took a pause, fumbling with his thumbs then he looked her in the eyes, "As you wish then… Rei." He scooted closer to her and pulled the blanket around himself, they were shoulder to shoulder almost cheek to cheek. She shuddered she felt like her whole body was on fire, and when he took her hand under the blanket, she almost melted on to him, she gave it a light squeeze making sure it all wasn't a dream.

And he squeezed back and began to trace the outside of her hand with his thumb. He rested his head on her shoulder and the two of them sat there in the small glow of the candlelight, the rain started up again pitter pattering on the window and before she knew it, he had fallen asleep. Deciding not to disturb him she shifted her weight, so he'd be more comfortable on her shoulder.

She sat there watching the small flame flicker feeling the happiest she ever felt since the day Shinji asked her to simply smile, she wondered if there could be more days like this with him, but just as she started to imagine what they'd be like he began to stir. Making little moans, shivering and twitching he began to breathe heavy. He was having a nightmare, Rei took him in her arms and saw trails of tears running down his face in the candlelight.

He kept mumbling about something that she couldn't quite make out, she only heard the words mom and dad.

He still needs me to help him, I will stay with him for as long as he wants. I just want him to be at peace with himself. She rested his ear against her chest, his heart relaxed me maybe mine will relax him as soon as his ear touched her chest his face softened, and it looked like he was finally relaxing. She whispered in his ear not sure if he was listening at all, "I just would like to see you happy it would warm my heart, I- I- I care for you…" she brought his face near hers and kissed his lips lightly, she heard him moan softly and whisper something in his sleep.

It was only one word but to her it was as clear as day what he said, "Rei…"

Feeling content with him in her arms at ease, she fell asleep. The pair awoke later when night had already fallen, they laid in one another's arms for a little longer until Rei broke the silence between them.

"Do you want me to let go of you? I know that touch and closeness make you uncomfortable. Is there any reason why that is the case?" She asked pulling her arms out from under his.

"I don't know why it scares, but right now… I feel relaxed."

She stopped pulling her arms away from him letting out a slight gasp, "Rei… do you think we could just stay like this. For just a little longer?"

She pulled him closer to her body, the tips of his hair ticked her nose and chin, "That is fine, I am enjoying this as well." Neither one of them wanted to leave the other's embrace they could have stayed with one another until daylight, but their time together had to end eventually. Once they left one another's touch they didn't voice it but both felt colder.

But Nathan didn't let her leave until he gave her the rest of the curry, a jacket and an umbrella. She left with more things than she came with, but she was happy just to see how much he wanted to care for her. Before she left, she had one last thing to ask.

"Nathan?"

"Yeah Rei?"

"I have a favor to ask you and I understand if you say no."

"What is it?"

"Could I borrow your music player? I would like to continue listening to your music but if you want to keep it, I understand, I know that you hold it dear to yourself."

He looked side to side, chewing the corner of his lip. He walked over quickly and picked it up from the table along with his ear buds, he reached out and grabbed her hand. He placed it in her palm and wrapped her fingers around it, looking her in the eyes he said. "Here, you can borrow it… if you'd like I could get your own player and burn all my music on to it. That way even if we aren't together you can listen to it whenever you'd want."

"You'd do that for me?"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you Rei."

As she left, she looked over her shoulder and saw him standing there outside the door leaning on the railing, she gave him a wave and wasn't completely sure, but it looked like he was waving back at her.

Back in her apartment she stood in front of the mirror, her shower steaming up the bathroom. She held his player tightly near her heart, those words he said to me, they seem so familiar to me almost as if I've read them or heard them somewhere before.

She began to rifle through her stack of books, "Those words are somewhere in one of these books.", finding the one she thought was right she looked at the cover and read it aloud, "The Princess Bride, could this be it?"

She flipped through the book until she found the right page, she read the dialogue aloud, "That day she was amazed to discover when he was saying as you wish. What he meant was… I love you."

He… loves me? A smile crept over her face, as her heart fluttered at the thought of him. But then she looked in the mirror and saw her reflection of her in bra and panties, she remembered what happened to Asuka earlier that day. I'm sure you'll get yours soon, that's what she told me.

But when I feel around my stomach, there's just emptiness it's as if I'm hollow. It feels like I was born with a piece missing, something that all other women have but me, right here my uterus. Is it even there? Why can't I feel it then, can I not have children? That thought seemed to tear her heart into two, she never gave any thought to having children but the idea of not being able to upset her.

The feeling of growing a being made of two separate hearts, bodies, souls and minds. Seeing and holding the product of hers and another's love, to share a life raising a child together. A being that would be a little bit of her and a little bit of… someone else. She knew how children were made, the joining of sperm and egg.

But if she didn't have a uterus then she didn't have any eggs, but the other part of creating life made her curious. How close a man and woman had to get, how they joined parts with one another either for pleasure or to create life or maybe just to feel a little less lonely. To be in the presence of another and experience them. A joining of two beings who loved one another, becoming a singular being in body and in soul. But who would want to join and become one with me, she wondered who would I want to join my body and soul with? Then she remembered being in his arms, being carried and his heartbeat. How fast and intense it was, how it raced at the thought of her being hurt. How safe she felt and how tender and caring he was when it came to bandaging her.

The feeling of having him in her arms, tightly holding him and having him listen to her heartbeat and being relaxed by it, to have his pain taken away and to have him feel at ease by just being in her presence, she just wished he heard her words, but he did say her name. Does he dream about me, whatever he dreams I hope they are good ones she thought.

If me and him were to become one, would that fill my emptiness? Is he the other part of me that is missing, it feels as if I am missing a piece of my heart but when I am with him the pain goes away. I make his pain go away, am I his missing piece?

The shower continued to pour but not as much as the rain that had started up again.


	8. Chapter 8 SEELE

Keel Lorenz sat in the dark, the other board members sat in their own colors of light. "So, Keel what progress has Tabris made?" asked the vulture looking member of the council in his nasally high-pitched voice.

"Yes Keel, tell us what has the boy seen?" asked another member.

"Need I remind you that he is no boy?" Keel growled.

"Forgive me brother."

Keel grunted, "He only continues to observe the children as instructed. There hasn't been anything for him to report back as of now… but for the time being I suggest we put our faith in him that he will complete his task."

"And if he doesn't" asked a mustached member.

"Do not fear brothers if he disappoints or fails us, we still have the ark. It will be our ultimate fail safe against Ikari, we know the risks involved in it yes?"

"Yes, and we thank you for your sacrifice brother." The rest of the board said in a unified monotone voice, Keel looked forward at the empty seat where Ikari would have been and felt contempt, he was proving to be more trouble than they had originally anticipated.

But he had to admit even to himself Seele would have never gotten as far as they had come without him. He sighed quietly, "I suggest then we release the seraphim we have saved. Now that it is under our control it would be best to test its' abilities against the pilots."

"I agree, having a weapon but never firing it merely makes it an ornament." Said a balding board member stroking his beard.

Vulture spoke up again, "It is best we do it now rather than later, we still do not fully understand the ark or the gifts and vistas it offers us. And it would be disappointing to have our new pets bite the hand that gave them life… no offense intended Keel."

"Are the rest of you agreed to our new course of action?"

"Yes, salvation cannot be obtained without the sacrifice of flesh, blood or the mind. If we are called to bleed for the promise of paradise, we would open our veins willingly and walk into the ark with smiles on our faces emerging clean and pure upon our return."

Keel smiled behind his hands that covered the lower half of his face. "Fine if it is the will of the council, I will personally see it through."

The board members disappeared, and Keel was left in the holograph room, he stood up and proceeded down into the basement of his mansion, taking the elevator he descended into the hidden caverns. Caverns that had existed at the same time if not before man had come to be. The cavern that went deep into the earth past several layer of rock until the stone that it was carved into resembled a jagged solidified black glossy oil. The only sources of light were torchlight that were placed on the spiraling staircase and around the ark.

The ark was at least fifteen feet high and almost twelve feet across, it was a smooth semi-circle made of the very same ebony or obsidian stone but had a light charcoal tint to it. And all along it were the carvings of the angels on this planet, they appeared the same in the dead sea scrolls but there were also other figures that were harder to make out, but they were carvings of other beings that much they knew.

But the rest of the ark was covered in knife like scratches cut intricately into the rock their structure had no clear pattern, no one could tell where one word or letter began and the next ended. They just appeared to be a mass of characters in one group like a school of fish swimming together fearful of the predator swimming around them. And somewhere in the back corners of his mind he swore that when he wasn't keeping a direct line of sight on them, that they rearranged themselves into new patterns of their own accord.

Keel was surprisingly… unnerved looking at the ark. He should have felt a joy of light in his heart, but he felt fear and a coldness, those characters may have looked primitive but nowhere in the entire history of man not even in the dead sea scrolls did any form of written language come near to looking like these characters. It was as if they were from another place, maybe somewhere farther than the seraphim.

He walked near the ark, but it wasn't just an empty archway. Inside of the arch was a shimmering, moving black ooze. It had the smell of LCL and even moved in the same fashion at times, but this variant seemed to have a will of its own or it was almost aware of its surroundings. It bubbled and frothed in Keel's presence almost as if it were excited like a lover or a pet seeing its other's return.

He put out his right hand and moved it slowly towards the ooze it moved toward his hand slightly before shrinking away and retreating back into its smooth glass like form, he chuckled slightly and repeated the same motion with his left hand, the ooze shot out forward trying to wrap itself around his hand, his heart skipped a beat out of pure terror and he stumbled backwards down the steps landing on his back.

Looking up he saw a clump of ooze the size of a melon right in front of his face, the way it cocked its mass to the left and right and shimmered in the light, it almost looked like a face. It slowly snaked its way back to the ooze. "I suppose there is no fooling you." He laughed at foolishness, he pulled off the gelatin "skin" that covered his right hand to reveal a robotic hand… a gift from the ark.

He looked over to the stone table where a solid trunk of rock was sitting bathed in light it had the very same carvings on it as the ark. Therein it waited the seraphim, waiting to be released into its new home, he walked over to it and dragged his fingertips over the intricate carvings shuddering with pleasure as he felt the grooves. "Soon Ikari if this gift from the place beyond the heavens rewards us for our faith, we will no longer need you, perhaps sooner than later."


	9. Chapter 9 the date

Shinji nervously paced back and forth in his apartment, checking his hair in the mirror seeing how it looked parted up, down, to the left or the right. He checked his nose hair situation, smelt his breath, saw that he had some acne on his chin some hidden in his hair line. Saw two or three tiny budding strands of facial hair on his chin as well.

Wait did he have black heads? Where was Nathan he should have been here already, he huffed and continued to pace thinking about whether he should pop up the collar up or leave it down. His outfit was just his nice white school shirt along with a light-colored pair of jeans and black sneakers. Maybe he should change his outfit.

"Jeez calm down Shinji what are you getting so worked up over?" Asuka asked popping out of her room at the sound of his stomping.

"Sorry Asuka its just… I guess I'm a little nervous, Nathan's running late, and I have no clue for what me and Rei are gonna do today."

"There you go again apologizing and getting worked up over something that's someone else's fault. Don't you have any self-respect, why can't you just man up and take her out by yourself?"

"Look I'm trying Asuka! Give me a break its… just that-." He let out a sigh, "I really like and care about her but it's just… I don't know how she feels about me."

"Sheesh look over here the lord of self-pity, open your eyes idiot if she didn't like you at all then why would she be going out with you?"

"You know when you say nice things, you're not supposed to say mean things right?"

"Whatever Shinji you only get what you deserve, besides… there's one way to see how she feels about you."

"Ask her?"

"No, you idiot, what if you tried to make her jealous? That's sure to get a reaction outta her." She said devilishly.

"How would I go about doing that?"

Asuka leaned closer to him, "What if she saw you kissing another girl?"

"What no way Asuka! I could never do that to Rei, not in a million years."

"Fine don't take my advice just don't come looking for my shoulder to cry on when she dumps your sorry ass!" The bell rang.

And there he was, only clad in an old thin green army jacket, white undershirt along with a hat under a hood and clip on sunglasses lens.

"Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?" Asuka asked cocking an eyebrow at Nathan, scrunching her face up. He sighed and walked in with two small duffle bags, "It's called a disguise Asuka, this outfit is gonna make me invisible while I coach Shinji."

"How can clothes make you more invisible than you already are? You pretty much already leave no impression. And how can someone like you give any advice on love?"

"Well he did write that poem about you Asuka."

"Shut up Shinji." Asuka growled while Nathan rolled his eyes and muttered it apathetically.

"Fine I can tell when I'm not wanted for your information anyways Hikari and I are planning to have a girls shopping day, maybe we'll get some swimsuits and lingerie."

"Asuka stop talking about stuff like that." Shinji moaned turning bright red.

"Why are you freaking out you've already seen her nude, if anything she's trying to lead you on." Nathan pointed out reminding Asuka of the time she exposed herself accidently to Shinji.

"Shut up pervert!" she shouted as she karate chopped Nathan in his walnut sized Adam's apple, "GACKAK!" he collapsed to the ground chocking and coughing gripping his throat as his eyes popped out of his skull watering. "W-W-WHW- WHY?" he wheezed out.

"Stop reminding me of the worst day of my life!" she stormed off, closing her door behind her, "You know I think she likes you. Toji flashed her once and she kicked him in the nards, they ended up looking like if you hit a mango with a hammer and covered with grape jam and let it ripen." He joked slinging Nathan's arms over his shoulders setting him down on the couch.

Nathan continued to make dry, hoarse gagging noises as he tried to suck down fresh oxygen. When his wheezing was coming near an end, he motioned for Shinji to bring him one of the duffle bags. Opening it he rooted around and when he finally could talk, he croaked out, "Here take… this… put… ear."

Shinji opened his hand and Nathan dropped a small piece of black plastic in his ear, doing as he was told Shinji put it in his ear, Nathan put his own in. "Alright when I turn mine on, you'll be able to hear everything I say and ill be able to hear everything you hear and say."

"Where did you get all these things anyways?" He asked digging into the bag taking out a pair of binoculars, a monocular, some make up kits along with other listening devices.

"Some spy store and I had to overnight all of it… so you're welcome." He said repacking all the stuff, Shinji dug through the second bag a confused look took over his face as his eyebrow raised at the sight of different outfits that looked like they could be suited for any weather conditions.

"What's with all the clothes?"

"Well I can't just walk around after you guys in the same clothes, she's bound to notice me. But if I continuously duck out of sight and change my outfits, you'll never see me." He kept rubbing his throat.

"So, what are we gonna do? Do you have a plan or something?"

He dug around his pockets until he found a map, marked with notes and lines. "Here just follow this and you'll be golden. Now it's about time you go and pick Rei up, I'll be waiting near the café. Get to it lover boy."

He slapped Shinji's shoulder and grabbed his bags speed walking out the door in silence, Shinji stood there stunned "I hope this works, I just want her to be happy." He said meekly to no one. But he did as he was told and got on the train to her place, he didn't bring his SDAT with him, he just listened to the clatter of the train.

Walking down from the train station platform he saw a small elderly grey-haired lady selling flowers from a small wooden stand, "Flowers… flowers for sale." She cooed shuffling side to side, Shinji pulled out his velcro wallet, it crackled as he opened to find out it was empty, at least he remembered his card though.

But chances are she wouldn't take plastic, "Aw, man I cant get anything right." He muttered just as someone in a hood shoved past him shoving a small plastic baggie in his hands. "Hey, watch it- "he looked in his hands to see a bundle of Yen notes, and looking up he saw the brown birthmark hidden by thick black rimmed glasses, he made a quick shush motion and disappeared into the crowd.

A small written note in the bag read, "Next time have cash, always carry cash on you, you never know when you're gonna need it. Don't worry about paying me back."

Shinji spent almost ten minutes agonizing over what flower to get Rei, in the end he decided to get a bouquet of light blue forget-me-nots. He made sure to leave the lady a couple of extra notes, she smiled and called him a sweet boy and commented on how whoever this girl was she was lucky to have him as her boyfriend.

Those kind words melted away his insecurities and made a smile grow on his face. When he finally arrived at Rei's complex, he was stunned to see her sitting on the bench outside of her building. How long had she been waiting for him there? She was wearing her school outfit it looked pressed and fresh as if she washed it last night and this morning. The thought of that other white shirt was in his mind but when she looked up at him from her book all he could think about was her.

"Hi Rei, I got these for you." He held out the flowers her mouth parted slightly as she stood up, in her left hand was the book which she slowly hung by her hip. "F-for me, thank you Shinji… but I didn't get you anything." She said blushing slightly as she reached out for the flowers taking them under her nose smelling them her eyes had a mixture of sadness and happiness in them.

'You didn't have to get me anything Rei. I'm just glad we're finally doing this."

There was a small whine in his ear, he had to fight grimacing from the nails on the chalkboard sound that was making his brain want to bleed.

"I may not have anything for you, but I can give you this." She leaned forward and kissed him on the check in between his mouth and left ear. His cheek burned and his chest fluttered, after she pulled away Shinji brought his hand to his cheek. "Thanks Rei." He stood there stunned until a muffled voice popped into his ear. "Lover boy are you just gonna stand there or are you finally gonna walk over to the restaurant?"

Oh, jeez he's right, "Rei! I've got a whole day planned out for us and it all starts with us going to grab a bite to eat."

"We're going to spend the whole day together?"

"Yeah, now c'mon let's get started. What book are you reading by the way?" He took her hand and began walking back to the train station trying to subtly look out for the angel on his shoulder. "It's called the princess bride."

"Is it any good?"

"I enjoy it. What does our schedule look like?"

He let go of her hand and fished out the map, and read it aloud, "Um- lets see. First Lunch, then looks like walking around the shops and mini golf, maybe ice cream and an early dinner and to top it off a walk in the park at night. Wait that's perfect!"

"What is perfect about it?"

"Tonight's the start of the summer festival so they're gonna have a firework show." I wonder if he knew about that, he thought privately. He shoved the map back into his pocket and gripped her hand, "C'mon let's go I want to get this day started." Holding her close to him the pair ran off to the train, just as they sat down, he heard his voice again.

"Yeah, I didn't know anything about that if you're wondering. Happy coincidence I guess." His voice was flat and had little to no inflection, but he sounded upset or depressed. The train rattled them on to their next stop, when they headed down the steps the restaurant Nathan marked out was on the corner.

"Ask for a patio seating, I'm across the street. Have her sitting facing the train you face that intersection."

Shinji didn't bother to look for his friend he just did as he was told, they sat near the white fencing Rei picked up a menu and flipped through it nervously unsure about what she wanted. Something was hitting his eyes it was a bright white glare burning to the backs of them. "Sorry about that but I had to get your attention, you see me?"

Shinji rubbed his eyes and looked again, a small square of light bounced around from the opposite end of the corner where he and Rei sat at another restaurant. "Nod once, if you see the light."

"So, the food looks good right?" he asked nodding up as he picked up the menu, "Yes, the food here looks nice. Thank you for choosing a restaurant with vegetarian dishes"

"Yeah anything for you Rei." He smiled.

Nathan stared at the smiling couple through his monocular, it had a box covering that made it look like a Sony camera, and with his coat, a ruffled button shirt that had the top few undone with a loose neck tie and a forged press pass he could have passed for a photographer. Nobody even questioned him, they just let him set quietly by himself at the end of the tables along with white fence.

Seeing him smile at her sent the sensation of having arrows puncturing his back go through his heart and pop out of his chest. But he had to focus he couldn't be bothered with how or what he felt, especially what he might have felt for Rei. He made his friend a promise, and he had already put enough knives in his back, besides there's no real way she would feel the same way about him, whoever could?

Shinji's eyes were closed, and his face had a smile plastered on it, he looked happier then he did back at the party, but he wasn't really happy back then at least not for long anyways.

The pair put in their order, two orange sodas along with a curry dish for Rei and a plate of rice with vegetables covered with in a yellow sauce, Shinji's palms were sweating so much that he could barely hold his chopsticks. He fumbled around his dish trying to talk with her, but what was there to talk about? School, the EVAs, their friends? Maybe they didn't have a lot in common.

He saw her eyeing his dish, "Offer some to her man, you ever see any Rom-coms? Couples always feed one another."

"Uh- hey Rei, you want to try some? It's really good."

"Okay." She said timidly leaning forward as he picked up a piece of broccoli dripping with yellow sauce, he carefully guided it to her mouth. She closed and chewed hesitantly before swallowing, "So… it was good right?" he asked hopefully.

"You were right, it was good."

Shinji leaned back, but there was a teeth grinding screech and bang that made him fall back out of his seat landing on his head he looked behind him, "Shinji are you okay?" Rei shot out of her seat and landed next to him, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a little spooked is all." He groaned rubbing the back of his head, far away from the restaurant underneath the train stop was an old ugly rusting van.

It came to a shambling stop as the engine groaned sounding like a dying animal, a cloud of black smoke followed it like a shadow. What an ugly thing, he thought standing up sitting back down finishing his meal off with Rei. After he had paid the bill, he lead Rei down the street staring down at the map trying to figure out what they were going to do next. Then again there it was, that grinding screech the van gave off rattling forward.

The thing shook around like it had Parkinson's or that the screws that held it together were slowly coming out and at any second it was just going to crumble in on itself. The creeping van didn't go unnoticed by Nathan either, in fact he switched his attention from his friends over to the van hoping to get a look at the driver, but no luck the windows were blacked out.

There it was the itch he had been taught to never ignore, it was like a small fishhook ripping across the center of his brain, his hair raised and there was a shiver on his neck it felt like he was being scalped. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the van, there were all the signs. It keeping a distance, going just barely under the speed limit the fact that the driver was obviously trying to stay hidden.

"Shinji listen to me, take the next right at the crosswalk."

He hopped over the fence taking his two bags with him, he pulled out his copy of the map and eyed every possible route he felt like he was covered with fire ants as he racked his memories for any and all solutions.

He looked up and just as he feared, the van took the right they had taken, he broke out into a sprint he had the route already set in his mind. "Listen to me now carefully don't question me. You see that park across the intersection, the one diagonally away from you? Run to it, across the street, and try not to get plastered."

"But- "

"NOW!"

Shinji followed his orders and gripped Rei's hand and dragged her into the street the two of them breaking out into a full blown sprint almost getting hit by a car whose driver had to swerve onto the curb, he didn't waste anytime getting out and shouting every obscenity under the sun at the kids.

The van had to swerve through three other cars before getting back on its route cruising along the same path after them but after the two made it into the park's entrance unable to follow the van started a new path, like a shark it began to circle around the park. Nathan by now had found his way to the park's left entrance. "You see those restroom huts in the center of the park? Run to them and meet me inside the men's one, tell Rei you had to use the restroom."

He doubled timed it and snuck inside, he threw his bags on the floor and began to tear his shirts off, dumping his pants into the waste basket. Standing in the middle of the bathroom in just his boxers he riffled through the bags taking out two air sealed bags. He tried to figure out what he'd wear but then the door creaked open, tearing the leather belt from the discarded pair of pants he hid behind a wall that blocked the entrance.

He held his breath and froze in place. He carefully stretched the belt between his hands he imagined his heart slowing down almost stopping, as if he thought just its beating could give him away. A pair of shoes slowly shuffled in, squeaking along the floor. In one fluid motion he stuck out his foot making the visitor trip forward, but he caught him just under the chin with the belt.

He pulled back as hard as he could twisting his body, bringing his hands by his shoulder and tried to pull the person over his shoulder, strangling him with the belt, "Gawgk! What- akre eew doing?" the voice squeaked out… it was Shinji. He let go of the belt the boy fell forward collapsing on his knees and face, he ran around the corner and locked the bathroom up, turning around the corner he saw Shinji standing up, red in the face with boy lips he was rubbing his throat.

"Shinji! Oh, shit I'm sorry you scared me."

"What were you going to do if it wasn't me? Were you just going to kill whatever poor sap that walked in?"

"Look, its more complicated than that." He replied Shakely. "And you're in your boxers?!" he turned around before Nathan could see his blushing face, Nathan yelped and hid in a stall dragging along a duffle bag.

"What is with you anyway? Why did you freak out like that? And where did you learn to do that stuff?"

He pulled on a pair of track pants and a Tokyo Yakult Swallows shirt, walking out he pulled on a dark blue zip up hoodie. "I did have a life before here you know Shinji… not a good life but- okay not much of a life but… I was somebody else before Tokyo. And don't forget I was born into this, you were just dragged in, right?"

"Yeah but that doesn't explain- "

"C'mon man use your head, I don't know about Asuka or even Rei but- you think being the sixth child from America might I mention. They'd let me pilot that thing and not give me some super spy secret agent crash course training? Besides I just got a feeling is all."

He walked over to the mirror and pulled on a TYS ball hat with bleached hair attached to it, and he began to apply some fake facial hair to his face. "What feeling though and what training?"

He sighed putting his hands on the sink, staring off into the mirror, "Look I got the feeling that nasty old van was following you guys, and if we did this it'd just put me at ease okay, besides…" he took a pause before returning to his task at hand "There are somethings better left unsaid, that and I was too young to fully remembered what they did to me or had me do."

"Well what if it's just a lost driver?"

"Look! There's a small chance it is that okay, a small one! But if it's not, if there's a chance I'm right and those people in there have something planned, what am I supposed to do with myself knowing I could have done something!"

Shinji stumbled back a little he had never seen him blow up like this before, "Okay, sorry. I'll do what you say."

"Start by putting his on and giving the other to Rei." He kicked over two bags, one had a denim jacket with a grey hood and the other had a thin grey sweater with a straw hat with flowers in it.

Figuring he should trust his friend's judgement he opened up the jacket put it on, "Put the hood up, and keep your head down."

"What am I supposed to tell Rei?"

"Keep her in the dark, its best. Just say you got that for her from a vendor."

He finished putting on his outfit and got his bags ready, "Well what are you going to do?"

He pulled out a lighter, a small metal canister along with a bundle of red balls with a single shared fuse, "I'm gonna stay back and keep watch, then I guess I'll do what I was trained to do."

"Why do you have all this stuff?"

"Better to have and not need it, then to need it and not have it Shinji. No such thing as being over prepared."

"But there is a thing such as being overly paranoid."

"It's not paranoia if you're right."

Rei's face was glowing as she put on the new clothes that "Shinji" gave her, she held onto his hand as they walked down the path underneath the trees, Nathan just plopped himself down on a bench and kept watch. He heard Shinji say something about going mini-golfing, and just like he feared. The van had stopped near one of the entrances, "Take the far entrance out." Seeing the pair, the van rattled on and began moving forward, they were making their move so he would too. Shinji and Rei crossed the street and just as he hoped the van had to stop, whoever was in there taking their time to eye out their prey.

Just as luck would have it, they stopped by a green pole with a single red bulb on top of it, an emergency call pole. The kind they had set around if someone got mugged or hurt and needed to alert any nearby police, and for once it seemed the universe was favoring him. Two policemen stood by a subway entrance helping a small elderly lady with a map.

He kept his head down and crept closer and closer to the van, ducking out of sight he light the cherry bombs inside the canister and tossed it under the van, just as it left his hand he dashed by the pole and slapped down the button the high piercing whine immediately grabbed everybody's attention. The can exploded sounding like gunfire, people fled in terror screaming while others ducked for cover. Parents jumped on top of their children shielding them from the "shooter".

Just as the officers started running towards the park the van screeched off, leaving only black tire marks and a trail of smoke behind it.

The van disappeared, Rei and Shinji's eyes shot back to the screaming pole. They didn't see him though, just the aftermath and the two officers standing around an empty parking spot, looking at the shredded hunk of metal.

His voice crackled into Shinji's brain, "Alright things should be good now, go and take her mini-golfing or whatever… see ya when I see ya." Before Shinji could say anything, he heard a crackle and a whine over his earpiece he ripped it out and flung it aside, he felt a migraine coming on.

When Rei asked what was wrong, he laughed it off saying he thought he felt a mosquito or wasp fly in his ear. How was he supposed to finish the day off now?

Nathan stood in an alley behind a dumpster, he ripped off the fake hair and changed into a dark flannel and a band shirt, pulling on a beanie he got rid of the last piece of evidence and walked away leaving a crushed earpiece laying out in the middle for all to see. Now what was he supposed to do with the rest of the day? He walked off staring at the ground, wishing the day was already over, getting back out into the open streets he almost instinctively covered his ears.

He remembered why he always had his earbuds in, to drown out the noise. Everything the cars, birds, the bugs, planes and trains, people, their laughs, their shouts, their voices, their thoughts, the wind, the scarping of feet on the sidewalk, cats and dogs, doors swinging open and shut, his heart, his own mind, construction, horns, whistles, crosswalk signals, everything. Everything was just too loud, the world was too loud the noise was unbearable.

He just wanted to shut it all out, to make everything quiet to be back in his own place his own space, to just go where there was nothing but silence and stillness. Opening his eyes he saw that he almost walked past an electronic store, then he remembered a promise he had made to a friend.

He took a sharp step hearing her way before he saw her he ducked into the store, hiding behind a display he saw a pale yellow sundress swish on by next to a girl who was wear white shorts and a blue top, both talking loudly and carrying several bags between the two of them.

The one wearing the sundress was wearing the interface headset, Asuka he thought, letting out a calm breath. His hands shot to his temples massaging them, god why'd I have to say yes to her? I can't stand the noise, can't stand the air, can't stand the smells, can't stand any of it much less the people.

"Hey buddy, you gonna buy something or not?"

He looked up to see a tubby acne ridden teenager looming over him, "If you're not gonna buy something get out."

"You got any MP3 players for sell?"

"Got tons, any specific model you looking for?"

"No, just one that has a lot of memory, has a great battery and sound."

He stroked his several chins, "There might be one model like that, got a color preference?"

He stood up, and with his mouth barely open he said, "Blue."


	10. Chapter 10 the festival

Asuka looked over her shoulder for a split second, "Something wrong Asuka?" Hikari asked taking out a chocolate pocky stick offering it to her turned around friend.

"Oh, it's nothing Hikari I just thought I saw- never mind it doesn't matter what I thought." She took the stick and began to nibble at it, wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her or did, she really see Nathan just a second ago, was he following her? Hikari cleared her throat catching her friend's attention, "So hey, I don't want to press or anything but is there anything going on between you and Nathan?"

"Oh, god no he wishes."

"But he did write that poem though, and it seems he's a little too quick to deny it being about you. Besides you could do worse besides him, I guess."

"I don't know what gives you the right to say that all the guys in the class are nothing but window licking losers who think with their downstairs brains more than their upstairs ones."

The girls took a seat by a fountain continuing their conversation, "I mean yeah most of the guys are pretty boring, but I wouldn't call Nathan girl crazy, it's like he's not interested in being with anyone. But I wouldn't call all the guys irredeemable."

"Okay I bet you can't give me any reasons why the rest of the girls would be interested in the idiot quartet."

Hikari fell silent, "Well Kensuke, I don't know I guess he has his boyish charm working for him. He's always excited about something, that kind of positivity… its rare for these days."

"So, what he's still a movie and military otaku!"

"Shinji, I guess most girls think he's cute, he was just so shy and nervous when he first came here. He's so sweet with Rei too, always doing nice things for her making her bento boxes and checking on her. But his eyes…"

"What about his eyes?"

"I don't know he just has those sad puppy dog eyes, you know the ones that melt your heart. I guess some of the girls just would've liked to see him smile more."

"Okay so… the sad puppy dog, makes him seem more pathetic than someone desirable." She muttered but she looked away briefly from Hikari when she replied. "But that's only half of them." She snarked grinning.

"Well okay who's next? Oh Nathan…I mean I guess he has the sad brown eyes to Shinji's sad greyish eyes. He seems more the silent, lonely type. You know the mysterious boy who lives in his own world, but he has a soft side that he never shows."

"I guess if that's what you want to call a dead eyed, emo shut in. So far colored me unimpressed Hikari, all that's left is Toji and believe me there's nothing redeemable about that monkey faced buffoon."

Hikari's cheeks blushed a little, and she turned away slightly "You know there's more to him than it seems, sure he's a goofball and a little unbearable at times but he means well. He just wants to make people laugh, and with his little sister. He's sweet and caring, some days he skips school just so he can take care of her at the hospital." Her voice fluttered up and down, she shivered just a little.

"Oh my god, you like Toji!" Asuka yelled at the top of her lungs, loud enough for the whole world to hear. "What? No, I don't!"

"You're blushing Hikari, that means it's true. Hey world Hikari likes the loser Toji Suzuhara! Are you gonna take his name or are you just going to add a hyphen?" By now Asuka was standing on the fountain's edge cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Asuka please shut up!" Hikari stood up and pleaded with tears in her eyes, she pricked a nerve she went too far, Hikari was the only person she didn't want to hurt. The boys could take it, but they were already old enough to where they should be able to take the insults, but Hikari had been nothing but nice to her since she first came.

"Okay, sorry Hikari, sorry."

Both girls sat back down next to one another in silence listening to the bubbling of the water, the idle chatter of the weekend shoppers and busy streets. Asuka let out a sigh, "So does Toji even know how… you feel about him?"

"No… he doesn't. I haven't told him yet, I'm just too nervous to tell him how I feel. Besides why would he want to go out with me? It seems like we can't really talk with one another for long before we argue or something."

Asuka scooted closer to her and put her arm around her shoulder, "Hey just think of it this way what've you got to lose? Besides if Toji rejects you that just means he's an even bigger idiot than he looks. He'd be insane to reject you."

Hikari sniffled a little and wiped away a tear away from her eye, "You really think so?"

"I know so now c'mon, Misato asked me to buy some Yukatas for everyone for the summer festival."

Nathan walked down the empty streets a small plastic bag swished by his leg, it seemed he was the only one heading this direction everyone else was heading to the parks or city centers, but he'd have it no other way. He didn't even pay attention to where he was heading, he just walked and hoped things would soon look familiar, and before he knew it he was outside of Ms. Ainu's tea shop.

She did say that she wouldn't mind if I stopped by, he thought but I don't want to bother her. Besides she's probably busy, its best if I just head on home, but before he could move the door jingled open. Leaning against the door she brushed the loose hair untamed by her head band away from her face. "I thought I saw you outside Nathan."

"Hey, Ms. Ainu."

"Why aren't you at the fireworks show with the rest of your friends?"

"Don't really care much for festivals, and I guess I just don't have many friends. Or I guess they consider me more a friend. Besides I was wondering if I could just hang here for a bit?"

"Well I would love to have you in, but I've got a lot of cleaning to do, pre-festival tea rush, vendors coming to stock up. It's a mess in there." She joked.

"Oh, well maybe I could help. I don't got anything else going on tonight."

"Well tempting… okay if you help me clean up, you can stay but let me ask you this one question. Why would you want to spend your last weekend night helping out a twenty-nine-year-old lady who still has her hot high school bod when you could be trying to sneak a kiss from your sweetheart under the fireworks?"

He blushed a little and his stomach shriveled up a little, he scratched his neck nervously "Well, I mean you could use the help, and I'm not really the kind of guy who celebrates parties or holidays… but there's… not really a special girl."

Her eyes softened at the boy's answer, "Well hurry up then, there's a lot of work to do."

He set his bag down on the counter and put on an apron and got to sweeping, he heard Ms. Ainu get busy in the back washing dishes out of the corners of his eyes he noticed that she would occasionally steal a glance at him, he acted like he didn't know and just kept on with the cleaning.

The same music that was on the last time he was there was playing again, he thought about working up the courage to ask her about the song but decided against it. But there was something therapeutic about doing all these mundane repetitive tasks, cleaning the windows was something he liked. Just eth same actions over and over, rinse and repeat. Squirt the cleaner in a circle, one rag to go in clockwise circles then in counterclockwise circles, spray again and use a fresh rag to squeegee downward.

Spray, spray, spray, clockwise, clockwise, clockwise, counter, counter, counter, spray and then pull down. The two of them worked for almost two hours, they didn't finish until the fireworks had started up, they could barely hear them through the building, to them they sounded more like a whistling car backfiring. "Still glad you chose to be here?" Ms. Ainu asked walking out front with a fresh pot of tea with a small tray of pound cake.

Nathan glanced out the window and saw the blue, red, green, orange and yellows that light up the night sky. "Yeah, besides I think if I was there, I'd just complain about something. I don't know I guess its just hard for me to enjoy things."

She offered him a fresh cup of ginseng tea, "I hope you don't mind me asking but what's with the blue MP3? I thought I saw you already have one and blue doesn't really seem to be your color, no offense."

"It's not for me… it's for a friend. A girl…" Ms. Ainu looked at the bag again, the small white box sticking out showing the blue player, she cocked one eyebrow up, there was something about that bright shade of blue that looked so familiar but where did she see it?

He continued his thought, "She asked me if she could borrow mine, and I don't know why but I offered to get her one of her own and share all my music with her. I don't even know why I'm bothering, she's already got a boyfriend." He sighed and sinking lower in his chair ran his fingers through the short hair on his temples and grip them tightly.

He whispered something silently to himself that she couldn't make out, "Well do you care about her?"

"Yeah, I do, she's sweet and nice. She's done so much for me and has never asked me for anything in return, I just wish… I made some mist-. I just wish I could be with her, she makes me so happy. I just wish I could return the favor. He's a nice guy and all but I feel like I could-."

He sniffled and covered up his face, "Wait are you friends with both of them?"

He nodded silently, "I guess they adopted me into their friend group, but… I like them better than most people. But having to see them every day, and the looks they share it just hurts. But how can I live myself if me and her end up together? I just don't want to hurt him, he's the only guy I know that's been nice to me, he's tried reaching out but, I just keep pushing away."

She didn't know how to answer him in a way that would make him feel better, she just offered him his cup and he began blowing on it. "You know Nathan, I've been in love before. I know the pain it can cause, I haven't been in love with a friend's boyfriend so I can't give you a lot of advice."

She pursed her lips as she continued, happy to see him sipping from it now, "All I can say I guess is, you could let her know how you feel or not… that's up to you. But the best thing you can do is just be there for here, maybe you and her won't end up together but the best thing you could do is show her how glad you are to have her in your life."

She pulled up a chair next to him, and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, he tensed up for a second his shoulders shooting up but the soft gentle way she held onto him was comforting? His back muscles stopped tensing up and his shoulders sank down, "Sometimes I wish I never met her though, sometimes I wish I never came here… just being in the same class, same city, same district, same country is just too much. A part of me just wishes I never knew she existed that way she couldn't hurt me but… another part would do the same thing over again."

She rested her head on his, "Don't worry I'm sure you'll find a nice girl someday, after all any girl would be lucky to have a nice guy like you around their arm."

He fell silent, taking a small wedge of vanilla pound cake to his mouth he ate it, savoring the sweetness or at least listened to his brain telling him that it was sweet and good and that he should be enjoying it. "But… I don't feel like a good guy Ms. Ainu, why would you call me that you don't even know me."

"I know this side of you and this side looks like a nice guy, besides it's never too late to change who we are."

She took a moment to look at her watch, "Wow, look at the time. I think you should be going you've got school tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yeah, but we don't do much there anyways. But yeah, I guess I should get going, you think I could take some of this to go?"

"Well I was gonna offer you some loose change, but this seems like the cheaper option!" she laughed out.

As she put the cake in a box and poured the tea into a cup for him, she made him an offer he'd be insane to pass up, "I just want to say this, after tonight I don't think the store's looked this nice in years. So just putting this offer on the table, would you be interested in being my part time bus boy? I could use the help and company around here, and it'd be easier ot have someone here watching the store while I'm out for deliveries."

No second thought to it he said, "Sure, why not?" his tight chest unclenched slightly, he found it easier to go along with stuff and at least this would distract him and eat up more of his time.

"Great, I'll be looking forward to working with you." She handed him his bag of goodies, "Oh and by the way this is your two week's advanced pay, just so you know." He smiled at her joke and chuckled a little.

Just as it seemed like things were going better, he had to go back home. Any good feelings left him as soon as he walked through the door, he just lay in bed closing his eyes trying to breathe trying to relax somehow. He just wanted to sleep but he couldn't it wasn't even because of the fireworks, maybe it was because he knew what Shinji and Rei were probably doing, but mostly it seemed like he couldn't turn his brain off and go to bed.

He looked over to his couch and walked over to it, collapsing on it his head found the pillow Rei had been using that night. He breathed it in, it smelt like her, he imagined he was back there with her that night. Back in her arms and before he knew it, he fell asleep.

"So, Rei did you have a nice time tonight?"

Shinji and Rei sat on a bench that rested under a Cherry blossom tree, the pair watched the fireworks screech into the sky before exploding into their bright embers.

"Yes, I had a nice time with you Shinji, thank you for the bear." She was hugging a bear that was almost as big as her entire midsection, Shinji still thanked his lucky stars that he was good at skeeball, "No problem Rei, I'm just glad I was able to show you a good time, sorry if things got weird."

He still wondered what was wrong with Nathan, but what ate at him more is if that was only a fraction of what he knew what other things was he hiding from them? Did he even want to know? "Uh- Rei can I hold your hand?"

Rei silently offered her hand, her attention captured by the fireworks and the fact some simply exploded, others seemed to be pinwheels or fizz out form one singular spot and snake around an area. "I never knew there could be so many colors. I can't decide whether I like the night sky better now or as it usually is."

Shinji took her hand in his and scooted closer to her, but only this time it felt like he was alone as if she wasn't there, he squeezed her hand for reassurance, but it still felt a little limp. They sat quietly watching the night sky, "Rei, uh- you know the summer festival's coming up right?"

"I've read about it, it's to celebrate the coming of summer correct?"

"I think so." He chuckled, "I mean it's in the name but what I wanted to know was, well Misato said she wanted Asuka to buy us Yukatas, she was planning on taking us out to the festival you, me, Asuka, Toji and Kensuke."

"Will Nathan be going as well?" She always seemed to wondered about him, "No one's told him about the plan to have everyone go yet but, I guess that'd be up to him."

She looked down at the ground, "I feel as if I would enjoy myself if we all went together, all of us. I feel as if we are a second family to one another, we would make each other happier."

"Maybe you should say that when we try and convince him to join us."

"I hope he decides to join us, it makes me happy to see him enjoying himself."

Shinji thought about kissing her, holding her close to him under the sky but now things just felt off. "It's getting late, we have school tomorrow we should be heading home now."

She broke off their connection, "Sure Rei, I'll walk you home."

Shinji stared at the ceiling in the bathroom, the faucet dripped water echoing throughout the room. It was quiet again, the hot water made it feel as if he were wrapped up in a warm blanket of pins and needles, what's changed between us?

Why does it feel like me and Rei have grown so far apart, its like she's not even there when we're together. How can someone I care for so much hurt me so much, it's not like she means too but… things have changed between us. I wonder if she'd rather be someone else rather than me, and why is he always on her mind?

I worry about him too, but she's more eager to do things for him? Just like I was after we met, after we fought Ramiel I just wanted her to be happy and safe. I promised her that I would keep her that way, I just wanted her to smile, what if… I'm no longer the reason she smiles.

BANG, BANG, BANG

The bathroom door rattled on its hinges, "Hurry up in there Shinji you're not the only one who needs a bath!"

He sat up swishing the water, "Sorry I'll be out in just a minute." He piped up.

"You'd better not have used up all the hot water!" he could hear her stomp away, he laid back down the water coming up to his chin, Asuka… she uses the same water as I do sometimes, she gets in here before me.

His mind drifted back to those times, the times he's seen her underwear and bra hanging on the little hanger. That one night she went into his room and fell asleep facing him, how she wore a loose shirt with nothing underneath, he felt a hot swelling sensation near his stomach and his right hand swam over to it.

He closed his eyes and remembered what he saw, her smooth mounds, he remembered Rei too, how pale her skin was. Her thin hourglass-like waist the small blue mound, the only colored part of her skin was her-.

He let out a sharp gasp as his whole body tensed up and he curled into a ball shuddering as he felt a heat build up in his stomach and expand throughout his whole body making him limp, he instinctively closed and squeezed his hand found out that it was slightly sticky but more to the point he saw a white worm like stand floating in the tub slowly drifting to the surface.

His face and chest burned, he wanted to vomit out of disgust, did he really? Did he just- in the tub of all places the one thing that he shared with Asuka and Misato?

He quickly swished the water around dispersing the evidence, the door banged again. "Hold on Asuka!" he got out of the tub wrapping a towel around himself, he reached for the tub stopper figuring it'd be best to just pour Asuka a tub of fresh hot water. He didn't want her to find out what he did or touch what he left behind but the world had other plans.

The door flung open and Asuka grabbed him by the back of his hair, "You've spent enough time in here, now get out you loser!" she flung him back, but he dove right back in. "Asuka wait there's-"

She wasn't going to give him the chance to speak up though, she spun around and kicked him swiftly in the stomach "Oof!" he groaned out as he fell backwards crashing to the ground but he should have done a better job at tying his towel off because before she knew it like a loose leaf the towel drifted through the air and landed on her face.

Ripping it off she wasn't pleased at the first thing she saw, laying on his back clutching his head was Shinji spread eagle for the whole world to see. "Ahhh! Stop trying to expose yourself to me you pervert!" she screamed as she slammed the door, keeping the towel with her.

Shinji yelped both his hands diving down to cover his shame, "Asuka give me my towel back!" he cried, but it was pointless she had turned up the radio and drowned him out. He snuck back to his room and decided it'd be best to use any old clothes to dry himself off. Sitting on his bed he plugged his ears up with music and held his knees to his chest, what kind of creep am I? he thought.

He thought about calling Nathan and letting him know about the festival, the purple and green Yukata hanging in his closet an ugly reminder but he didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment, if he did they'd probably figure out what he did just by the sound of his voice, he just wanted to sleep and forget this day ever happened but how would that be possible?

Nathan didn't bother going to school, he didn't want to be around anyone that day he just wanted to stay alone and get his promise to Rei done. He just wanted to be alone, he sat at his desk watching a little green bar zip on by on the screen sending songs every second into her MP3. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there but the day had already slipped on by without him knowing.

His compute dinged, and a pop-up window said downloads complete. He let out a long sigh and leaned back, staring at his ceiling. As he repackaged everything all he could think of is what do I do now?

He didn't feel like eating, sleeping, he already showered but even now just having the TV on seemed to annoy him. He just wanted to do something, but he didn't know what it was. Just then his door buzzed, he tiptoed over to it curious to see who'd bother to come check up on him.

Leaning against the door he looked through the peep hole to see Misato dressed in a dull mustard Yukata, Asuka of course had a red one on, Shinji's was purple with green designs, Rei's was blue with white designs, why were they huddled here he wondered.

He opened the door slowly, "Hey Nathan long time no see! Glad to see you're not sick." Misato said cheerily.

"Yeah, we didn't see you in school, what's up with that?" Shinji asked.

He shrugged and shook his head, "Had some stuff come up and just didn't feel like going in today."

Rei wobbled forward on her getas she was doing fine until she reached the threshold of the door then she fell forward, right into Nathan's arms, trying to hide his gasping he asked "Uh- you okay Rei?" Shakily. She looked into his eyes and used his arms to brace herself, as she stood up, "Yes, sorry I am not used to walking in shoes like these." She replied showing her feet off. "Oh, Hikari me to give you these, they're today's schoolwork."

"Thanks Rei… I guess I know what I'm doing tonight." He joked lifting the papers up.

Misato interrupted his thought, "That's what we're actually here for Nathan. Go on Shinji ask him." She said nudging the nervous boy forward.

"Hey so, we were wondering if you wanted to join us in going to the summer festival tonight. We'd think you'd like it, there's food, games, rides and other cool stuff. It'd be all our first time going to something like this here, and we'd be hanging out with Hikari, Toji and Kensuke. That sound like something you'd be up for?" he asked.

"Thanks, but no thanks guys… I'd rather stay here. Besides I got homework to do remember."

"Oh, please that's the lamest excuse no one is going to do the homework tonight you dummkopf! Besides only the saddest loneliest losers would stay home when there's something like this going on."

"Well meet the guy who's staying home then."

"But we already got your own Yukata and pair of getas." Shinji protested reaching behind his back and showing off the gifts, "Yeah there's no way I'm wearing those and honestly guys the color scheme, bit ironic right?"

The kids looked at their robes and maybe it was only then that they noticed that they were wearing the same colors as their EVAs, Nathan's Yukata of course was black with orange designs.

"Maybe some other time guys."

"C'mon Nathan you can't be that much of a loser. Besides if he doesn't want to go can't we just go? We're wasting our time." Asuka said stamping her foot, sending a small hollow thonk.

"Please would you join us Nathan?" Rei asked timidly.

"Sorry, Rei. Look guys I don't want to go I don't know how many times I have to say it." He was starting to get a little irritated by now crossing his arms over his chest and breathing a little harder, it looked like he was panicking a little as he backed up.

"Look Nathan I think it'd be good for if you went with us, so c'mon and stop being such a stick in the mud."

Nobody expected it least of all Rei who looked the most frightened when the boy snapped at them like a rabid dog, "LOOK GODDAMN IT I SAID I'M NOT GONG OK? GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULLS! LEAVE ME ALONE!" They backed out and he slammed the door on them, but as soon as he did it. He felt instant regret though, God you fucking asshole he thought to himself.

These people deserve someone better than you, they just want to help you, and this is how you treat them? He walked away from the door, and sat on his couch cover his face, wanting to just disappear from this place and away from their lives, he wanted to take away every memory they had of him and wanted to disappear.

Some part of him wanted to connect with these guys and have something with them but, what was the point? They all would just end up hurting each other in the end somehow. Maybe this was better hurting them now before they'd end up hurting him later, or he them. He heard his door creak open, and then softly close the small thonking of a pair of getas was heard. They stopped around the corner and he looked up to see Rei clutching his own in her hands.

"Rei, I'm sorry I yelled at you guys I didn't mean it."

"I understand, you didn't mean to hurt us. I volunteered to come in for the others, to try and convince you to join us. I understand if you don't want to come, I'm a little nervous about going myself, but I want to see you with us. I want us all to be together and happy. I just want you to be close to us."

She shuffled over next to him and sat down, "I also wanted to return this." She took his hand away from his face and put his black player into his hand, "You're already done with it?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, I've listened to all the songs already."

"Wow, even I haven't done that yet."

Rei grew a small prideful smile at that, and he gave her a small smile back. "So, you really want me to go with you guys?"

"Yes, me maybe more so than the others." She admitted.

"Fine, if its what you want… I'll go Rei." He took the Yukata from her, "But I'm not wearing those sandals." He said sarcastically.

"I will be happy so as long as you go."

Getting changed Nathan pulled on his black school uniform, and slipped on some black converse with white tips, he wore the Yukata open holding his arms open by his side he asked the group shyly. "So, guys, how do I look?"

"That look suits you, now c'mon I think we've wasted enough time here." Misato lead the kids down to her jeep and began the drive to the festival grounds. In a pocket in his Yukata, was the Rei's player along with a pair of earbuds, he was just wondering when he'd find a good time to give it to her.

The festival was almost overwhelming, the bright lights, the fires cooking food, the mix of smoke from the food and fireworks hanging in the air, so much color everywhere along with people laughing and running around. The barkers from the booths calling people over and trying to tempt them to play their rigged games, little kids running in groups dragging nervous parents around demanding something from every booth.

It was a bit much, but Shinji and Asuka seemed to embrace it all. Rei and Nathan were just a bit more hesitant to run headfirst into things, "Yo guys over here!"

Walking up to the group of pilots was Toji, Kensuke and Hikari, Toji wore a deep grey Yukata with purple trimming, Kensuke had a dull orange one with green trimming and Hikari had a bright yellow one with white trimming.

Maybe it was just a coincidence that Toji's colors matched his normal jacket and sweatpants. "Glad to see your rocking the Yukata Nathan but what about the sandals?" Kensuke asked looking down.

Everyone but him were wearing the Getas, "Even you Toji?" he asked

"Hey man can't mess with tradition." He beamed.

"Well these are more stable, I can run and climb in them, no splinters, they protect my feet better than those things…" Nathan just kept rattling off reasons why his choice of shoes were superior to theirs, but everyone just chuckled at their neurotic little friend. "Alright Sensei thanks for the lecture, now what say we get us some food, and before I forget looking beautiful as always Ms. Misato." Toji said bowing down.

"Oh Toji, you play too much." she waved him off blushing a little.

But the group decided that yes, they all could eat and so they walked around booth to booth trying everything the city had to offer, as they kept walking around Nathan's chest began to feel lightly and he found walking was easier.

It wasn't as if he were stuck in cement or stuck in a blizzard, he wasn't shaking or wanting to run away. As the group tackled the game booths and witnessed Toji and Asuka join forces in threatening to beat the operators over their rigged games and blackmailing them in order to get prize everyone began to laugh.

The rush and adrenaline from the carnival rides, zipping through the air hearing the excited shouts and cries of his friends as they fought against gravity on the roller coasters, slide down massive slides or whizzed through the air on building high swing sets. He found himself laughing, they all were too even Rei with her high pitched wheezing laugh, every laughed and leaned on one another until their sides hurt, they all felt happy.

Everyone had smiles ear to ear on their faces, and felt an invincible fire burning in their chests, "Hey guys look a taiyaki booth lets get some!" Kensuke shouted excitedly, "Okay but my feet are killing me, maybe you had some points Nathan." Hikari groaned leaning against a tree taking off one geta rubbing her sole.

"You know I could find us a spot to sit guys, look there's some bleachers over there. I could save us those rows."

"That would be the most useful thing you've ever done in your life." Asuka commented hopping from foot to foot, "Well off I go then." He said giving a sly smirk as he shoved his hands in his pockets fishing out his MP3 walking away, "Wait I'll join you." Rei quipped up, "I would like to sit down as soon as possible."

"Well what flavor do you guys want pretty sure they have chocolate, cheese, sweet potato, azuki bean and custard."

Nathan fished out his wallet, "Custard sounds nice I guess."

"I'll have custard as well." Rei added shooting an unnoticed glance at him, "No its okay Nathan, I'll cover this for you."

"You Sure Shinji?" he asked a wad of notes popping out, "Yeah, just a favor among friends."

The group left Nathan and Rei to go and find a spot to sit, when they arrived at the bleachers, they sat three feet apart from one another, he was distancing himself again he thought. He was doing so well too, why was he shrinking away now? He wanted to but couldn't stand to be alone with her, the feelings she gave him. He never felt anything like them ever, what was he supposed to do with them?

What was he supposed to do with them if he couldn't give them or show them off to her, but then he remembered and he scooted closer to her, as he turned his head to face her and pushed himself in her direction he was shocked to see that she made the first move and had stealthily scooted over to him, almost bumping lips together he felt his chest grow hot and tighten.

Both of them pulled with heads back at the last inch, both breathing a little heavier. "Sorry." He said, "Oh I just remembered Rei, here." He fished out her gift from his robes and put it in her hands. "You really did this… for me?" she asked, her eyes glistening the light of the torches and fireworks.

"I said I would, and any promise I make to you… I plan to keep." Their knees bumped into each other's, their laps hide their left hands, she slid hers on top of his. He looked down at her hand resting on top of his. "Do you promise that? Sincerely?"

He looked deep into her eyes, and wrapped his pinkie around hers gently, "I promise Rei." His heartbeat sped up, the two almost felt that subconscious need to lean forward, to meet lips again. To hold the other tightly, so tightly that they might just engulf one another. But as soon as Shinji piped up "Hey guys!" the two of them pulled back and broke off their grasp. Shinji plopped himself in between the two pushing them further away.

"Here, you guys go… what's that Rei?"

"Oh, it's a gift Nathan gave me for…"

"Just an MP3, she asked me about them, and I just decided to get her one as a thank you for, buying me all that tea."

"So how are you doing?" his free hand gripping Rei's right hand, the piercing barbed arrows came back, he felt his heart shrivel up and die a little, "Better I guess."

He looked over his shoulder and saw the rest of the group already taking their shoes off and stretching out, greedily devouring the little fish shaped pastries. "Hey, you know where Misato ran off too?" he asked.

"I think I heard her say something about going to a sake drinking contest." Kensuke said through a mouthful of paste, Nathan popped in one of the pastries. It should have been good, sweet and warming but it wasn't. "Listen I gotta head to the bathroom, you guys mind waiting here?"

"Oh no problem buddy we'll wait for ya. Mainly because that tonkatsu booth is calling my name." Toji said salivating. Nathan plugged in again and walked away his smile melting away, his robes swishing past his legs. He looked over his shoulder and saw all his friends laughing and smiling, Rei blushed as Shinji wrapped his arm around her and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Turning bright scarlet, she turned away from him only to have him hug her tightly and start to tickle her, everyone looked so happy and carefree, they looked like a real group of friends who belonged with one another. He was just the outsider, no matter how hard he'd try, or they'd try they would never connect with each other, he'd never feel totally comfortable in their presence.

And the only one who he felt comfortable around was the one he couldn't be with. He absentmindedly dropped his Taiyaki and shuffled away. They looked so much happier without me he thought, he was almost certain that if someone had taken a picture of him with them, they would be the only ones who were genuinely happy, and he'd be the only one who looked like he was happy.

(they're better off without you, things would be easier for them if you were never born, you should just do it, they'd never miss you, Rei's life would be less complicated, you would never have been something that could break her and Shinji up, just do it, they don't need you, look at them they're happy without you they don't need you to be happy, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it)

He walked away from the crowds and pass all the booths until he came to a stone bridge that went over a rushing river, he leaned over the side and saw he was pretty far up, maybe between thirty-five to fortyish feet above it maybe even higher. He felt tears stinging his eyes as his chest tightened, the colorful explosions of the fireworks continued making him cast a long stretching shadow, but he was drowning out the noise with Senses fail's the priest and the matador.

He climbed on top of the stone railing and climbed up one of the pillars as far as he could, he figured he might as well get all the height he could, he let out some shaky breaths as his legs trembled causing one earbud to fall out. But he steadied himself after a sense of calm went over his body, just one plunge one quick move and then nothing. That's all it'd take he told himself.

He stood upright and stretched out his arms in a mock cross shape, he closed his eyes ready to take the step but then he heard the scream.

"NATHAN!"

He turned around trying to see who it was but that was his mistake, the long robe caught his right leg pulling it away from its footing and his left foot slipped away making him fall backwards he didn't see who called out to him, as he fell from the pillar he let out a cry of terror, 'AAAARRRRGGHHH!"

He felt the wind rush past him, and along with the fireworks his screams were drowned out. He managed to see a figure rush over and collapse along with railing reaching out to him and then the deafening sploosh and explosive concrete feel of the water slamming into his body as it churned hungrily around him carrying him away in its current.

He let out a pain gasp and was surprised to see that blood was streaming out from his mouth. Hs whole back ached, it felt like he had broken every bone in his body and was just being carried off limply to his fate, but now he was sinking under the water squeezing the life out of him making his stomach crumple like a can.

Little air bubbles escaped from his mouth as he stared up at the moon through the water, flashes of bright light littered the sky. His arms hung behind him as he drifted down to the murky depths, the cruelest irony was that his MP3 and earbuds were waterproof, so he was able to hear his music still.

The ambulance is singing

As cops push back the crowd

He thought at first, he'd feel relaxed or glad, but no he was terrified, he wished he could cry or scream but he was too weak, he felt as if he were falling asleep, it all just felt so cold.

I start to take my last breath

As blood pours out my mouth

The medics walking my way

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Rei, he thought I wished I just told you. I wish we could've had something together.

Far off he saw a furious splashing above him and then a human shape rushing down towards him, reaching out to him the figure offered him their hand, his vision was fading fast and everything was so dark and cold, the figure stretched out further he let out a final gasp.

I think this could be it

I hear 'em start to state

The time of death is half past six

Nathan's last few air bubbles left his mouth before he felt the figure wrap their arms underneath his and begin to try and kick towards the surface with a re-energized fury, his eyes fluttered shut but before they did, he smiled, he smiled because he felt safe.

ELSEWHERE IN THE CITY

The pale boy stood in the abandoned monastery, on an empty platform on one of the towers where once a gargoyle or angel might've stood, he had his hands in his pockets and was observing the fireworks and the carnival from afar. He was leaning against the granite, smirking above his head invisible to the average eye hung black rectangles with red writing and symbols on them, the most prominent writing that stood out was the word SEELE.

He had been living in the monastery for the past few weeks, he knew why he was up there the old men requested an audience from him but honestly, he could care less what they wanted him to see, he'd rather have been playing the piano downstairs.

"So, do we have an understanding Tabris?" asked the one who was in charge.

"Of course, you've already made yourselves so clear so many times. Honestly I'm a little hurt you don't fully have faith in me." He replied smugly and sarcastically.

"Don't be coy with us boy! The very mission we have entrusted in you is the fate of humanity, it is best you do not joke about it lightly." Yelled the nasally one.

"Don't think of this as a showing of mistrust in you Tabris, rather what we will be forced into doing should you fail us." Said a gruff one who sounded as if he smoked too heavily.

"Of course, of course, but why now of all times. It being so dark how can I possibly see this new being properly?" he asked smiling and tilting his head.

"Do not mock us boy, you know your origin, do not think there isn't a thing we can do to make you… more obedient." The leader's words sent a chill up the boy's spine, and he believed he was incapable of feeling fear.

"Fine, if you want me to see this new being get on with it. I feel a chill up here."

One with a high-pitched voice laughed at him mockingly, "Where's the venom and pride we've come to know and love Tabris?"

The boy held his head down hoping his hair would hide the mix of anger, fear and pain in his eyes. He had mixed feelings about what was to happen, it showed the old men that they had other methods and he was expendable. But he remembered the first feeling he felt when he was "born", that feeling he had when they showed him the ark… fear. He felt fear. The sirens started up and he could hear the thunderous crashing and shattering of building, he could almost even hear the screams of people fleeing in terror in between the fireworks.

"Tabris it is best you watch, watch and see what is to happen if you show us that we have misplaced our faith in you."

He brushed his hair from his eyes, he wished he hadn't because what he saw in the distance being covered by spotlights made his heart stop cold.


End file.
